Menopause, such a lovely topic to write about, but with ALL honesty its mind-boggling. Remembering how jovial my physician was when he informed me, and I quote, “You are entering a new chapter of your life, enjoy…What the good Doc, did not mention, were the hot flashes, the without appointment necessary mood swings, the crying jags, etc., etc., and etc.…
Now, I used to be an even-tempered individual, not these days. Standing in a short line at the grocery store will set me off, and please must I mention traffic? Just seeing a light suddenly change to red might jump off a killing spree. But in all honesty, I am willing to give this Menopause thing a try, I mean do I really have a choice in the matter?
Well, lets get this story rolling…. I’m at work, I work third shift by the way, and thank you for your condolidances. Anyhoo, I was “banging the keyboard” as I call it and for those who minds have left to Guttervilles, calm down, sorry, I can’t comply with your freaky requests. I am a Data Entry Operator, (whoo-hoo) for a lock-box company; which entails me to key in check amounts for different vendors, now for all of you consumers who seem to can’t balance your checkbook accurately because of that one check that doesn’t make sense? OOPS, sorry, that’s me, please forgive my error, but I get sleepy.
This particular night I was feeling pretty good had my headphones on listening to my Stevie Wonder’s Part-lover, bopping my head to the beat. Looking up at the clock it was ten minutes to my break, I shifted my position in my chair and BAM!!! The “volcano” had started to erupt, I said to myself, “Not now and please not here?” Yeah sure, like the “volcano” is taking special requests. So I walk slowly and cautiously to the washroom to handle my business and low and behold, the “volcano” had brought company…I was shocked…I had to go home.
Halfway crawling back to my station, where I pose a question to one of my co-workers. I said, “Can you answer this riddle for me?” She replied, “A riddle?” Yes, a riddle. I said, “How do you tell your MALE supervisor you got to go home because you have female issues, (you see I don’t have female problems, I have issues, problems left me a long, long time ago). She said, “Tell him you got to go home, you’re sick”. Sounds good, but I am not really sick, in the standard meaning of the word, I got ISSUES…
Thankfully, my supervisor was close-by and I asked him if I could go home, I am sick. Now, I don’t know if he noticed me earlier “bopping my head” to my music, got to give him credit, he is very observant. He’s probably thinking, “Yeah, she’s sick all right, probably made a phone call on her break and now its all good.”
Seriously, he showed empathy and said, “Fine”. He turns to look at the clock and proceeds to count hours. He replied, “You know this is going to cause you to have one-half of an occurrence.” Thinking to myself, “Here I am standing, 1.Totally embarrassed. 2. You don’t have the slightest clue what is really going on, and 3. I don’t want to hear about some dogged-gone attendance policy!!!”
My company is very strict concerning attendance and that is fine and dandy, but I did not request this type of interruption. So I gently tried to whisper to my boss, “You see, I am having FEMALE ISSUES, that is why I need to go home.” He replied, “I understand, you can go home.” No, YOU don’t understand, this “volcano” has been erupting for the past 32 years and right now I am seriously considering to having the matter settled permanently, (nothing too drastic, of course).
Before I close, I do want to make an earnest plea to all of those feminine product companies. Someone owes me a position as Chairman of the Board, with all of the dollars I have spent down through the years, I mean, Come On!!!
Nevertheless, I want to leave a word of wisdom to all of the ladies, females, sisters and sista’s. If anyone approaches you with a slight smirk on their face telling you to embrace Menopause, I want you to take those Coaches, Louis Vuttion, and Prada purses, and beat the living HELL out of them.
Article by Delores Thomas
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