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#300402.01
Q
: "Hi Joy, I've been a single mom for almost 10 years and my son will be 10 years old next month.  I have worked hard all my life and even managed to save enough money to buy a house for the two of us without ever seeing a dime from his Father!  My question to you Joy is, when I ask my son to clean up his room and help me around the house he always puts it off or comes up with some kind of excuse.  His Grandma watches him two days a week after school and of course in his Grandma's eyes he shouldn't have to clean up his room or do chores because she thinks he's to young???  I have even offered him an allowance of $5.00 per week as an incentive.  Do you have any advice on what I can do to help him be more responsible? Sincerely, K."

SingleMom.com visitor: "In reply to K., thank you for visiting SingleMom.com.  Reading your Email, I can see that you are a wonderful mom.  You did all you could to raise your son.  However, you get a difficult time to tell him to clean up around the house.  Many kids at that age are acting that way.  However, money or any other kind of incentives is not the best way to teach your son.  Most of the time its motivates the kids. In this case, it just doesn't work for you.

Now, you mentioned that your son doesn't have to do much when he is with his grandma.  You need to talk to his grandma about this.  It will not be an easy discussion.  So you should be patient explaining to your mother that you work hard and you try your best to raise your son the best way you know how.  In order for you to keep this house in order, you need help from your son, and that he lives in the house with you.  He should learn how to be responsible and help you out around the house.  Try to explain to your mother that you are tired and you need her help.  She will have the way to tell your son. You should also have a talk with your son.  Sit down and talk to him like an adult.  Don't treat him like an irresponsible kid.  Give him some respect and ask him to open up to you.  Ask him what can you do to help him to help you.  Tell him that you love him more than anything.  If he compares you to grandma or other kids parents.  Tell him that you try your best to provide him a happy home the best way you know how.  If he knows a better way, please show you.  Tell him that you're trying very hard to make this work for both you & him.  So please be responsible & grow up.

I hope you find this helpful & best wishes to you.

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