When my daughter was 7 months old I became pregnant again and had her in March of 1996, we moved shortly thereafter to a trailer on his parents property in NC. The nightmare began there. My ex suddenly stopped doing any of the few things that he did do around the house, we were left in the winter with pipes freezing and bursting, pumps breaking, no car sometimes, and very little food in the home. I was determined to hold the marriage together because I wanted to prove that I hadn't married him simply because I had gotten pregnant and messed up my life. My father had to eventually give me the only car that I received and even it turned out to have problems. My ex would not see that it was fixed. It had a broken A-frame which is very dangerous on a car. In the meantime I got a job at the local Hardee's and was working there sometimes double shifts, leaving my babies with his mother who was 62 at the time and topped out at over 400 pounds. Needless to say, there was many a time when I went to pick them up that they had not had a diaper change all day, or they had splinters in their hands and knees from crawling on their rough wood deck on the trailer, it was also completely infested with roaches and mice. His parents had a barn behind the trailer with huge animals, mostly hogs. The drain off from the barn ran directly underneath the trailer, and they would throw their garbage off the side of the bank near to their home, into a small stream that eventually led to a pasture holding about 200 head of someone else's cattle. After receiving the car from my father, my ex decided to buy himself a new truck, a Nissan extend cab, 1997 at the time. It was $26,000, the way that I found out was he asked me to take him somewhere after work, and I did. When we got to the city he looks over to me and states that he is going to buy a new truck, that my name isn't going to be on it, and that I'm not allowed to sit in or ride with him anywhere.

Shortly after that I found out from some of his family members that his father, who lived on the same property was a convicted child molester in Buncombe County, NC. I never took my children back there and fearing that something already happened I took them to the doctor, and was relieved to find out they were okay, I guess he had never had the opportunity. Not long after that when I was at their home helping to feed some of the animals because his mother was sick, his father accosted me in the barn and tried to molest me. He pushed me into some wire cages and I received scratches all up and down my arms. I managed to fight him off and ran home. Upon telling my ex husband, he of course, didn't believe me. I had left a few scratches on his father and told him to take a look at them, and when he questioned his father, he told him that the animals had scratched him.

I suffered there for another year because I didn't have any money or anywhere to go. His father started stalking me, hanging out in the woods behind the trailer, watching me through the windows, I kept a large bush axe beside the bed at night from fear. Someone gave me a dog that I trained to bark at strangers and I think she would have even bit someone if provoked, when she was about 8 months old, my dad found her and another dog that I had dead in the woods. My ex started abusing stimulants to stay awake driving. I found a bottle of white crosses (not illegal in NC, sold over the counter) in his duffle bag. At the end of the time I was there I found out he was sleeping with someone else and I refused sex with him. For 4 more months I stayed, working as hard as I could to make money so I could leave. He didn't touch me until April 28th of 1998, he came home at 2 am, I had worked a double shift that day from 4 am to 9 pm, the kids were sick and I had lain them on a sheet on the living room floor with their sippy cups of cold water so they could get up to run to the bathroom if needed, I awoke to him on top of me, I was on my stomach, he had covered my head with a pillow and had both my wrists in one of his hands. He was 6'3 and topped out at 260 pounds, he randomized me. I stayed up the rest of the night, in the bathroom. Scared out of my wits. If the kids had woken up, they would have seen what he was doing.

Two days later, I left when he was gone on a truck run to California. My parents helped me leave, I sold the furniture out of the trailer to help fund the rest of what I needed. I went to the doctor and had to have sutures and creams for my injuries, the doctor knew what had happened. I pressed charges, but was told by the police that because I was married to him that they couldn't do anything, especially if he denied it.

Nothing was ever done. The custody battle over the children was horrific. 6 months after I was gone, I agreed for my ex to take the children for a weekend outside of court because they begged to see their father, the first time, he returned, the second time. He didn't..3 days later I was served with papers 2 days after the court date that he had temporary full custody of the children. For 7 months I fought to get them back. They established a custody order that made me have to take the kids to him over 50 miles away and go and pick them back up. They retained jurisdiction in NC, even though I lived in TN longer than 6 months. My ex stated to the courts that he was dating someone that he had been dating since the day that I left. He admitted to the rape on the stand in front of the judge during the custody case, even stated that the courts couldn't do anything about it, and they didn't.

There was never any support ordered. They ordered that I had to remain in TN or NC in any county adjacent to him, they ordered that I couldn't have any alcohol in the house, though I had never drank. They told me I couldn't have anyone stay the night that wasn't related by blood or marriage, even though my ex did, on several occasions he was caught doing just that. He constantly harassed me, wouldn't show up for his visits, or would change the weekends to suit him.  Having gotten fed up with this, I left for Washington DC to follow a job offer that had been given me in Baltimore MD. I stayed there for nearly a year, he didn't contact me, though he knew my number, and had access to my parents.

Before Christmas I was contacted by a sheriff of that county and ordered to return within 48 hours, which I did. He took out another case against me stating that I left and applied for custody of the children. During that Christmas visit, he did not return them, although he didn't have custody, and he did so based upon influence by his attorney. I went to a daycare a few days later and picked them up and took them home.  When served with the court papers, one of the items stated that I had accosted with the children back to TN, even though I had custody. Finally when heard in court, I had evidence to prove that he hadn't shown for visits, calendars, journal, pictures of the kids in Maryland and in Tennessee to prove that they were thriving, report cards, teach reports, doctor's records, everything that I should have needed, but I was told that it was the opinion of the court and his religious opinion that I was dating someone and living with them, even though I live in a section 8 apartment, because I don't receive support, and can't have someone living with me. They couldn't even pronounce my boyfriends name, he is from India, and the whole affair seemed very racist. They retained jurisdiction yet again in NC, even told me that I had to go to wherever the judge was in the district for the next appearance in August, they granted the children remain with me until the end of the school year, which is in just a few days, and then they have to go to my ex for the entire summer, and see a psychiatrist to find out whether I lied about a man living here.

All of this they are basing on nothing and no evidence by my ex other than his word. They only ordered support for 2 months and only enough back support to cover the amount paid to me by the state of Tennessee in AFDC, which hasn't been that much. I had quit using them after receiving work in Maryland. It only equaled to $4,000 of the $22,000 that I felt he owed. This case from beginning to end has been one big mess and hasn't went the way that I have known everyone else's to go. My ex is now remarried to the then girlfriend, has 2 new sons, and a stepson, all living in a 2 bedroom, tiny, trailer, with 2 bathrooms, one of which has the floor fallen through to the ground. The 13 year old stepson sleeps in the same bedroom with my two little girls and has some sort of problem with him.

Now, I guess you are wondering after stating all this what I would want. All I want is for someone to hear this story and I would have the peace of mind that knowing it isn't just me that feels this was completely wrong. I have been told by that court that people that aren't married can't live together according to their law, but I live in TN, have been for more than 4 years. How can that law apply to me? Please, if you have any help out there for people in my situation. Please help me. I am at my end, don't know what to do.

At the end of this summer, if they don't like the evaluation from the psychiatrist, they could take my children away and give them to him. I'm afraid for their safety, there hasn't been an order of Protection against the grandfather who was convicted of child molestation, I'm even unsure of my ex's character. I have to do what the courts want. I can't deny that, but is there any way, or anyone that you know of that can help me?  I love my daughters, I have tried to give them a life outside of what I married into, they have gymnastics and extracurricular activities, I tried to give them something different by taking them to Maryland, make them more knowledge about the world. Right now I don't know what to do. I've read some of the stories on here, it's very touching, and the help you give is excellent. So I hope you have something in the bag for me. Thanks. Deborah