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"HE
LEFT US"
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Imhere:
I was with him for 6 years. Last year he decided to leave for another
woman and now my daughter and I are trying to get our lives back on
track. I know it is very hard when you have a little baby. My daughter
is 4 now. My husband left 1 month after her 3rd birthday.
Maiasmom:
I know where you are coming from...My husband left our daughter and
me when she was 8 weeks old (she turned 8 months yesterday). Now we are
in a custody battle, he contested paternity and still wants full
custody. Naturally, I'm the one who ended up with full custody, but it
still hurts everyday knowing that my husband didn't love us enough to
work out our problems.
Imhere:
We have been in and out of court because he doesn't want to pay child
support anymore and he doesn't want to grant me a divorce even though he
lives with another woman and has been for almost 8 months now.
My daughter had nightmares every night, afraid I was going to leave her
and she still struggles with him not being around anymore. He seems to
have no care and thinks that it has not affected her.
Fight hard to get what you and your daughter deserve. Try not to let him
break you down anymore than what he has. I know it is easier said than
done, but when your daughter grows up she will have the comfort in
knowing you were always there for her.
Oindia:
I am so sorry to hear about these little ones having nightmares! How
dare these men not take responsibilities for their actions. Our children
need our assurance that we will be there for them no matter what! when
we tell our children that we are going to work and will be back by 6pm
we need to keep our word only then will our children have trust and
faith in us. My son is only 5 and I am 100% sure that if my husband and
I break up, my son will never see his dad again. My husband is very
insecure, dysfunctional and doesn't know how to remain in a child's life
even if he's not with the mother. what is with men when we leave them?
why must ties be broken with their children! I suggest counseling for
any little ones with nightmares, or might regress, pee in bed, act out
in school or at home etc.. They have pain, feel pain and sometimes don't
know how to express that pain in words. Good luck to all, God bless.
Luvmykid:
Because even though you are fed up with the whole child support deal I
must encourage you to hang in there. I, too, wanted my daughter's dad to
sign away parental rights but fortunately my attorney talked me out of
it. I lived in FL at the time and basically the law states that as my
child's guardian, I have an obligation to do what I can to see that her
rights are enforced. Also, I am only her guardian, I am not her,
therefore I do not have the right to decide that she doesn't need a dad.
At the time this upset me because I was still so hurt and angry (for HER
I would say but I just didn't want to admit how much he had hurt me!).
And I thought that I should take the high road and say I could make it
without his money. My attorney also reminded me that child support is
not MY money, it is my child's, and I have no right to throw it away.
About a year later I was in counseling and I was saying that I was
worried that this tough position I had taken in court, forcing him to do
the right thing, was the reason he wasn't more involved in her life. I
was worried that I had turned it into an issue of money and not been
more willing to open the door to a relationship with her father. My
therapist, who was and is a wonderful person, said and I will never ever
forget this, "By choosing to let the reality of living up to his
financial responsibilities get in the way of a relationship with his
daughter, it was he who turned it into an issue of money, not you."
I could have kissed him. It was true! A father who has every intention
of being involved with his child will not let ANYTHING stand in his way.
Those who use this tact to make us feel guilty probably have a history
of blaming others rather than admitting that they are cowardly infants
who can't even take care of themselves. Finally, there will eventually
come a day when either your child's father or your child will seek the
other out. And because a child's love for his parent is somewhat
unconditional they may try to forge a relationship and rise above the
painful past. How will you feel about that knowing that you never
received financial support? How will your child feel knowing that your
decision may have been based on your pain more than what he deserves.
Every child deserves to know that in this world there is one adult who
would fight to the death for them - and sometimes it feels like this
whole court crap will kill you. Persist, be strong, tell yourself you
would walk into the lion cage for this kid, because that is what you are
doing. But don't give up - he will one day know that although he had one
parent that walked away, he had another that fought the good fight.
There are many things that have happened between my ex and I that have
left a bad taste in my mouth, most notably that I saw all the signs
ahead of time that this was a person who would run from commitment and
still tried to make it work. So some of the forgiveness work that I had
to do entailed forgiving myself for being with him in the first place.
But one day, when they finally get together, I don't want my bitterness
to get in the way of her joy. As for the arrearage and the sporadic
payments, just pretend like you're not expecting it. Don't try to even
include it in your budget. Heck, at 10% interest in a good mutual fund,
you could invest the little you get from time to time and forget it
until your child is an adult. Don't let your son know that his father's
lack of support affects you at all. Only that his lack of attention to
his child hurts you for your son's sake. I am praying for you.
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