|
Making
Amends
The voice at the other end said, "I just want to make amends."
I almost dropped the phone. My prayers were being answered.
It was my ex-husband's wife. I had been praying for a resolution to our
conflicted relationship. And here she was, asking to talk to me!
When she and my ex first got together, we got along fine. But, some time
after they married, things changed. Suddenly there was tension. There
were harsh words.
I had to love her.
But, I was still carrying around this anger at his wife. I
was holding a grudge. I knew this had to go, too. I had to love her.
So, whenever I thought of this woman, I thought of her with love. This
wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. My own life was going so
much better that it was easy to see her for the great person that she
was.
Soon, I yearned to tell her this, to apologize for the past, to say I
was sorry. But I just couldn't pick up the phone! It felt too awkward. I
was praying for God's guidance on how to approach her when my ex-husband
happened to call about something else. Then he said his wife wanted to
speak to me. When she said "I just want to make amends," I
knew this was the answer to my prayer.
Before I could even say anything, she started talking. The floodgates
opened and we both got to say we were sorry and to make amends. It was
the greatest feeling in the world.
I
was coming back to the spirituality I'd let fall by the wayside.
Things went downhill fast. The
animosity between us made it hard to get along with my ex-husband, and I
felt the kids suffered for it. But eventually I resigned myself to a
fact of life that the new wife just never likes the old one.
But my life wasn't standing still. I was coming back to the spirituality
I'd let fall by the wayside some years before. I remembered that the
only time I had felt fulfilled and at peace was when I felt God in my
daily life. It wasn't really about the situation with my former husband
and his wife -- I just wanted to be a better person.
There were a bunch of things I wanted to change about my life. I knew
the Bible well and knew that I wasn't following Jesus' example. I wasn't
a very forgiving person. I did a lot of partying (when the kids weren't
around). I would occasionally look to fill the empty spaces in my life
with drugs. Now, I was sick of trying to find answers in ways that
always failed me so miserably.
It stands by your side and waits for you to
turn around and notice.
So now, I was letting messages of Truth and hope just wash
over me, spiritual ideas that had been in the back of my mind the whole
time. I guess once you know Truth, you never forget it, nor does it
forget you. It stands by your side and waits for you to turn around and
notice.
I began to make an honest effort every day to live a more Christ-like
life. It was hard. I'd still get angry and maybe blow up at someone, but
at least I'd quickly realize my mistake and apologize immediately.
Pretty soon instead of blowing up, I'd think first. I used to think that
"What would Jesus do?" slogan was silly, but it really helped
me get through some difficult situations. Around this time, I stopped
partying and doing drugs -- I just didn't want to anymore.
Then, out of the blue, my ex-husband remarked that he could see I was
changing. I hadn't even considered that other people would notice! He
and I started getting along better and were able to talk to each other
about the children in new, better ways. My hostility toward him had
left, and I could love him as a fellow child of God.
|
