"My Son Asked Me"

by Janice Saunders

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The day I realized I was going to be a mom, I went through many of the emotions every woman feels: "Will I be a good mom?" "What will he/she look like?" 'Will it be a boy or a girl?" I went through names and tried to imagine the face of my newborn much in advance of the date of birth.  Knowing I was going to be going it alone, I also thought about how I would be a super mom we all want to be for our kids, and that I would have some wonderfully brilliant and heartfelt saying for my child when he asked about his other parent.

With this in mind, I began to think what could I say to make it right for him.  When Jorden turned 4 years old, he asked this long-anticipated question for the first time.  I still wasn't prepared for the may emotions I felt but didn't want him to see spreading across my face like a bad rash.  "Well, honey, can I be your mommy and daddy for now?"  With those angel eyes he looked at me and responded "yes, mommy.  I love you." We went on with the rest of our day. We went on with the rest of our week and though I was still working my way through it, Jorden seemed to be fine.

Two weeks later came the next inquiry.  My heart was breaking, but I managed to smile and say the same thing, and he took this the same way.  We did not talk much after this, and I struggled to make his life as "complete" as possible.  I come form a big family, and he gets so much love from his aunts, uncles, and etc. that I try and make that enough in my own mind.  Realistically I know it is.  I also know he's going to want to know more about a man I can't say much about, except he's not around.  He doesn't have the "dad" in him and I normally refer to him as "the donor." (Not in front of my son, of course).

Now Jorden is 5 years old and he has changed the script a bit.  Now he just wants a dad, it doesn't matter if it's "his own." Let the games begin!  I already get pressure to get married from almost everyone I come in contact with, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

I know one day he'll old enough to go seek his other parent.  And I will support that.  I'll be there when he finds out who his other parent really is... I also know I'll be there for the most important part - the part where he realizes he's a great guy regardless of who his other parent is.

I know it.
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