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A nationally renowned therapist presents his proven strategies for giving blind love 20/20 vision

        Every day, single men and women spend millions of dollars on dating services to try to find the ideal partner. Finally, here is an easy-to-use, scientifically based approach for figuring out what a person will be like as a marriage partner. Drawing on clinical research on love, attachment, and intimacy, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk reveals how to prevent your judgment from being distorted by the bonds of agrowing relationship.

        Based on Dr. John Van Epp's nationally renowned "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" workshops, this book presents his trademarked Relationship Attachment Model (RAM), which breaks down the five dynamic bonding forces that influence a relationship. Van Epp helps you simply and succinctly identify--and break--destructive dating patterns. Most important, he shows you how to recognize "The Right One" when he or she comes along.

        "Childhood experiences are some of the strongest predictors of what your mate will be like as a spouse and parent. In How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, Dr. John Van Epp gives you the tools you need to judge your partner's character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships. Based on Dr. John Van Epp's nationally renowned "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" workshops, this book helps you simply and succinctly identify--and break--destructive dating patterns, especially those learned from childhood."

        "It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window--until slowly you realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. But follow the steps in How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk--a proven program used by thousands of singles worldwide--and break the destructive dating patterns that have prevented your happiness in the past. Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk maximizes your potential of finding "the one" by giving you the tools to focus on the crucial characteristics of a loving, lasting relationship."

This book will really open your thinking and give you a very solid perspective in the area of evaluating people.

The following is an excerpt from the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
by John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Chemistry: That Intoxicating Attraction

No matter whether you are swept off your feet the first time you lay eyes on your prize, or you are shot with Cupid's arrow long after knowing the goods, one thing is for sure: you must have chemistry with your partner. In a study of almost 10,000 married adults from thirty-three countries, mutual attraction and love feelings unanimously are at the top as the essential prerequisites for partner choice.

Few have not experienced either the presence or absence of chemistry in dating relationships, and yet the majority cannot explain what exactly causes this thing we call chemistry. It has been described as a powerful attraction, a feeling of being turned on, a sense of fitting or clicking with another, an instant connection, a good vibe, and the list goes on. Although much cannot be explained about chemistry, the following warnings have been established.

1. Chemistry is not always a good judge of character. We have all known that beautiful, sweet woman who cannot overcome her "thing" for bad boys. Or that super-nice guy who always seems to get together with a controlling and bossy woman. In both cases, the overpowering chemistry saw something in the other person that was contrary to his or her own true character or lifestyle.
2. Chemistry sees what it wants to see. Beware of the illusion of chemistry. It can seem so real when you only see certain characteristics of a person, only to vanish when that person's other side is revealed.
3. Chemistry is not constant even in the best of relationships. I have watched many partners lose their feelings of chemistry during times of testing (or boredom) only to regain a stronger chemistry after their issues have been addressed.

A perfect example of the first two warnings is a study that tested the truthfulness of Mickey Gilley's good old country tune, "Don't the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time?" A team of investigators entered bars at 9:00 p.m., 10:30 p.m., and 12:00 midnight (the bars all closed at 12:30 a.m.) and had volunteers rate the attractiveness of the opposite-sex individuals present at that time. They were also asked to rate the attractiveness of the members of the same sex. The rating scale used was in keeping with Gilley's song (1-10 scale).

The results of this study found that there was a significant increase in the attractiveness of those in the bar as the clock ticked closer to closing time. Of course, alcohol could have played a part. But it is ironic that in three different establishments, the ratings went down between 9:00 p.m. and 10:30 p.m., but seriously increased at the stroke of midnight.

What am I saying? It is "sobering" to admit, but there may be more to the lighting of your fire than just rubbing up against the flame of your life.

It is difficult to explain why we are attracted to one person over another. It is imperative that you address your own issues before you end up depending on a partner to fill that which is missing. This may be the reason you are staying in a relationship with someone with whom you have never developed genuine chemistry. You must ask yourself, why am I staying? What does this partner do for me that keeps me holding on, hoping that something more will happen? In these cases, you are at risk for compromising your ideals and settling. It is worth waiting for that partner who both clicks with you, igniting your feelings of attraction, and treats you in positive ways that do not diminish that attraction.

by John Van Epp, Ph.D.
Published by McGraw-Hill; September 2006;$22.95US/$26.95CAN; 0-07-147265-7
Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.