"This book isn't about catching men or reeling anybody in. Catching is for nine-year-olds playing freeze tag, and reeling is for trout . . . This is about you, considering the possibility that you're tripping over your own feet -- no matter how much of an amazing, smart, hot, totally worthwhile ass-kicker you may be as a general rule."
--Linda 

 

Some food for thought:

If you wouldn't date the "women are bitches" guy, don't be the "men are pigs" woman.
 

If he doesn't want to talk, he won't.
 

Act like a crazy person, and you'll be treated like one.

 

The logical follow-up to “He’s Just Not That Into You”, “Why You’re Still Single” attempts to answer the big question for any woman over the age of thirty. It’s easy to say the only reason is that you haven’t met Mr. Right, but there’s more to it than that. 200 pages more. To be clear, this book doesn’t point the finger at women and let men off the hook. Rather, it acknowledges that:

a) women can’t change men, they can only change themselves and
b) men don’t buy self-help books, so why write one for them?

 

Book Description

This book isn’t about catching men or reeling anybody in. Catching is for nine-year-olds playing freeze tag, and reeling is for trout. This is about you, considering the possibility that you’re tripping over your own feet—no matter how much of an amazing, smart, hot, totally worthwhile ass-kicker you may be as a general rule. Some food for thought:
 

• Don’t be the "men are pigs" woman. She’s boring. She’s unhappy. And the good men don’t want her.
• Don’t demand the right to set arbitrary rules, let alone change them every five minutes. Act like a crazy person and you’ll be treated like one.
• Realize when he doesn’t want to talk and give him that space. Men don’t usually feel the need to share as much. Respect that or watch him shut down even more.

. . . In other words: If you’re looking for a different approach, this book has one.

 

Read excerpts from the book

 

It's a shame that high-profile crazy people have ruined the word "manifesto" for everyone, but since they have, you can consider this a taste of our guiding philosophy.

 

1. People don't change their fundamental makeup, especially for other people. Men are not Tootsie Pops; you're unlikely, no matter how long you persevere, to get to the center and find something totally different from what you've been licking for a year and a half. So to speak.

 

2. Sitting around trashing men in general may feel good right after one of them breaks your heart, but recognize it for the irrational response that it is, and don't embrace it as a way of life. The new guy isn't going to want to pay the bill for the old guy, and you shouldn't ask him to.

 

3. Good conversation is a divine pleasure, but dissecting every feeling you have like it's a biology-class frog is not good conversation. Having the confidence to leave things alone sometimes speaks more eloquently about your relationship than having the endurance to complete conversational marathons.

 

4. No relationship is going to be perfectly happy all the time. Seriously: No relationship is going to be perfectly happy all the time. If you expect a stupendous boyfriend to repair everything that's wrong, you're going to be sorely disappointed, and if you leave everyone who's not perfect, you may one day regret it.

 

5. Complexity and drama are not automatically interesting, and love is not a substitute for therapy. Dating a few long-suffering guitarists will teach you just how hot emotional self-sufficiency can be.

 

6. The quality of your sex life is largely your responsibility. Taking responsibility for it doesn't make you trampy, and a guy with whom you cannot discuss sex is a guy you shouldn't have sex with.

 

7. Very few people who appear not to be willing to give you anything are ever going to "come around." Every day you spend waiting for them is a day you're not meeting somebody who doesn't need to "come around," because he's around already.

 

8. The art of fighting is a highly underrated skill. Knowing what to confront and what to let go, knowing that "let go" doesn't mean "stew over while wearing your I Haven't Forgiven You Yet face," and identifying when an endless source of conflict means this isn't the right person are all things that will serve you well.

 

9. You do not need to obsess over the size of your ass. Walking around the mall will show you that love is not a privilege of the glamorous. What you do need to do is navigate the societal brambles about women's looks and make peace with the idea of physical attraction without developing a crippling neurosis about it.

 

10. The guy you are hoping to meet doesn't live in your apartment, unless you are a sitcom character. If you never meet anyone, you can't meet anyone good. Life is busy, and things move fast, but you've got to make time for a social life, or you won't have one.

 

11. At the risk of horrific oversimplification, a thousand ills can be cured by being a little kinder. You don't want to be a pushover, but if you can draw on a basic supply of goodwill toward the guy you're dating, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary problems. And if you find yourself without a basic supply of goodwill, you may not be dating the right guy.