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 This
fun page is for all of the mothers of the
world who lovingly try to teach their kids
some of life's most important lessons.
You automatically double-knot everything
you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song
as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store,
and you start to gently sway back and
forth, back and forth. However, your
children are at school!
You actually start to like the smell of
strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
You weep through the scene in Dumbo when
his mom is taken away, not to mention what
Bambi does to you.
You get soooo into crafts you contemplate
writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do
with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for your
sunglasses only to have your teenager say,
"Mom, why don't you wear the ones you
pushed up on your head?"
You are out for a nice dining with your
friends, enjoying some real adult
conversation, when suddenly you realize
that you've reached over and started to
cut up their steaks!
Your feet stick to the kitchen
floor.....and you don't care.
When the kids are fighting, you
threaten to lock them in a room together
and not let them out until someone's
bleeding.
You can't find your cordless
phone, so you ask a friend to call you,
and you run around the house madly,
following the sound until you locate the
phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
Your idea of a good day is making it
through without a child leaking bodily
fluids on you.
Popsicles become a food staple.
Your favorite television show is a
cartoon.
Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at
least in one meal a day.
You're willing to kiss your child's
boo-boo, regardless of where it is.
Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor
and you give it back to her, after you
suck the dirt off of it because you're
too busy to wash it off.
Your kids make jokes about farting,
burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's
funny.
You're so desperate for adult
conversation that you spill your guts to
the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs
up on YOU!
Spit is your number one cleaning
agent.
You're up each night until 10 PM
vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing,
drying, loading, unloading, shopping,
cooking, driving, flushing, ironing,
sweeping, picking up, changing sheets,
changing diapers, bathing, helping with
homework, paying bills, budgeting,
clipping coupons, folding clothes,
putting to bed, dragging out of bed,
brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding
(them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing
baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks,
cuddling dolls, roller balding,
basketball, football, catch, bubbles,
sprinklers, slides, nature walks,
coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS
raking, trimming, planting, edging,
mowing, gardening, painting, and walking
the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you
have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go
to the bathroom, and yet...you still
managed to gain 10 pounds.
In your bathroom there is
toothpaste on the light fixtures, water
all over the floor, a dog drinking out of
the toilet and body hair forming a union
to protest unsafe working conditions.
You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
The closest you get to gourmet cooking
is making rice crispies bars
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