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This
fun page is for all of the mothers of the
world who lovingly try to teach their kids
some of life's most important lessons.
This page is dedicated to those women who plan to be a Mom
some days.
Mess
Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and
curtains.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and
leave it there all summer.
Toy Test
Obtain a 55 gallon drum of LEGOs (if
LEGOs are not available, you may
(substitute roofing tacks). Have a
friend spread them all over the house.
Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the
bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this
could wake a child at night).
Grocery
Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats
are best) and take them with you as you
shop at the grocery store. Always keep
them in sight and pay for anything they
eat or damage.
Dressing
Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus
(they turn bright red when they are
unhappy). Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all arms stay inside.
Feeding
Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill
halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug
swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or
Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug,
while pretending to be an airplane. Now
dump the contents of the jug on the
floor.
Night
Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag
and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00
p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag
until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and
set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up,
pick up your bag, and sing every song
you have ever heard. Make up about a
dozen more and sing these too until 4:00
a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and
make breakfast. Keep this up for five
years. Look cheerful.
Physical
Test
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach
it to the front of your clothes. Leave
it there for 9 months. Now remove ten of
the beans.
Final
Assignment
Find
a couple who already have a small child.
Lecture them on how they can improve
their discipline, patience, tolerance,
toilet training and child's table
manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they
should never allow their children to run
wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be
the last time you will have all the
answers.
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