My name is Nicole and I have 4 beautiful boys, Joe-8 years, Gage-6 years, Jack-2 years and Brendon-11 months. I'm 24 years old and I'm in the Navy stationed at HM-14 in Norfolk, Virginia. I met my children's' father while we were in boot camp 4 years ago, and we dated through boot camp and A-School, and we eventually both got stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. I became pregnant with our first son after we got to Virginia and we moved in together, along with his 2 children from his first marriage.

        The pregnancy was hard because the majority of the guys at my squadron didn't like having a pregnant female working on the helicopter engines with them. I worked up until the day before my son was born, sometimes on 2 and 3 hours of sleep. 4 months later, I became pregnant with my second son. At the same time, post-partum depression had hit me really hard.

        The kids' dad was always gone, I was working 15 hour days and I never got to spend time with my kids. The Navy didn't care that I had to pay for child care and find babysitters at the last minute, and work straight through the weekends most of the time. I had no family, no one to love my baby as much as I did, no one to help me adjust to my boyfriend's kids. He barely called and most of our emails and letters went unanswered.

        As I struggled to get used to our new baby and being a mother to the 2 older boys, I had to go through another pregnancy and my boyfriend's being deployed for months at a time. It was like he was trying to forget about us. When my second son was born, I felt so alone and at the end of my rope. Life had worn me out, and I barely felt human anymore. I was like this machine that did what everyone else wanted and needed, with no emotional support and no one to care about what I needed. There wasn't a single person in the world who understood how much I loved the kids and wanted more time with them.

        The military barely paid me enough to buy diapers and formula and put food on the table, and sent the kids' father away for months at a time. I would sit at home alone every night and cry for hours, wishing he was there to help me with the kids and wishing there was someone who could understand how hard I worked. No one at work understands what it's like to take care of 4 kids by yourself, and to have been thrust into the role so suddenly.

        As I struggled at home to make ends meet and to keep up a happy face at work, I found out that the children's father had become engaged to another woman while he was on deployment in Japan. I was so shattered and miserable and alone, I felt like nothing I did was good enough for the kids and no one would ever care about us or know how wonderful our little family was.

        I got a letter from their father 3 months after our second son was born saying it wasn't going to work, and asking me to take care of his 2 oldest children from his first marriage. We didn't hear from him for 6 months, and he has since agreed to give me legal custody of our children, as well as his first 2 children. Up until now it's taken every bit of strength I have to get through this alone.

        My family lives in California, and I haven't seen them in over 2 years because the military hasn't let me take leave to take my kids home. I have felt so used and alone for a long time now, it wasn't until I ran across this website that I realized I'm not the only single mother struggling to live day-by-day.