Well on July 5th 2004 I drove Dave to his bosses house to do some work.  He does roofing and siding.  The boss decided not to work that day, so Dave decided to go over to the guy's house next door to his boss's house and ask to borrow his truck to go and see about a side job.  Well while Dave was driving he was randomly pulled over by a police officer who placed him under arrest.  She smelled beer on his breath and saw the empty Red Dog beer can under his feet, and she placed him under arrest. So basically since November 9th 2004 when he was remanded I have been struggling along and having a terrible time making ends meet.  I am disabled (Mental Health Issues-Major Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder) and I get $122.00 a month from SSI, and $360.00 for my one child in child support, and $125.00 a week from my ex in child support.  That equals $500.00 a month.  So my total monthly income is $982.00 and our rent here in this apartment is $781.00 a month.  I have to pay electric and phone on top of that.  I lost my section-8 when I meet Dave and we combined our incomes.  He had a pretty descent job.  I have since re-applied for section-8.  But at the present time I have been placed on a waiting list.  Meanwhile I am really struggling along with the kids to buy the basic necessities. I am needing diapers, and wipes, and laundry detergent, and soap, hair care products, and money to just live on.  I have been going in our apartment dumpster looking for pop cans to get extra change, and begging all of these different agencies to help me.  There is no help.  They all tell me that there is no funding available.  I am at my wits end.  My life has been turned upside down and I don't know what to do from day to day.  Me and my kids go without a lot.  Never without food because we do get food stamps, but I had to beg for my 5 year old daughter's school supplies.  I don't have any extra money for those things.  All of our money goes to the rent.  I can't move either right now because the lease is in Dave's name, and I can't add my name cause I don't have good credit, and they told me that if they run my credit, and it comes back negative I'd have to move.  Why?  I have been paying the rent every month on my own since December 2004.  Never late, never fell behind.  But that doesn't matter those are the rules.  I struggle along every month to pay the rent and they can't take my situation into consideration???    

        My fiancé was sentenced to a 1-3, and in the meantime I am trying to hold up the fort for me and my kids.  I know that Dave is now getting the help that he needs and I don't have to worry about him.  I don't worry about him.  I can't.  In the mix of all this I had to labor, and deliver a baby all alone without Dave.  He wasn't here for me, or the children because of his own problems.  I have hit rock bottom here, and see that there is no one out here that I can depend on but myself.  If this man comes out and gets himself together that's great, but if not, no one else will ever be able to bring me down in this bad way ever again.  I am doing very, very badly financially.  And to add to my problems our van broke down so I have no transportation.  I have lost so much. 

         My main goal is to keep a roof over my children's head, and not be homeless.  I have no real supports out here.  My family and  his family are not supportive.  I think my parents are just very hurt that I fell into this situation, and they are unable to help me financially.  His parents???  I can't speak for them.  But they have not been supportive to me at all considering that they have a 5 month old grandson that they need to be getting to know.  They have only seen their grandson once, only because I sent them a letter begging them to come and see him.  I am lost.  I don't know what to do some days.  I have no friends or people to just spend quality time with with the kids.  I have looked all over our county for support groups but there is nothing.

        So you may ask what my reason for writing you is???  To tell my story to someone that I know will listen.  To tell you how I have had all this pressure on me, and that I am still trying to take care of me and my kids despite the situation that I have been left in.  And to add that if I can get through this horrible time in my life I hope that I can inspire others who may end up in my shoes one day or who may already be in my shoes. 

       Well this is my story.  And I don't mind sharing it with anyone who asks me about it.  This is a learning experience for me.  Us moms have to be self sufficient even if we have a man in our lives, because if he goes for any reason everything is on us.