Running Low? How Would You Like FREE* Gasoline for One Year?

When I was 18 years old, I learned that I was adopted. The news upset and confused me. I was relieved to hear my brother was really my brother—at least I had one real relative, I thought. But I began to feel so lonely. And even though for the sake of my adoptive parents I tried my best to pretend that nothing had changed, I still had a lot of questions.

Who were my birth parents? How could they give up my brother and me? Were they still alive? These questions pulled on my spirits like lead weights.

Each year, my birthday triggered more confusion. I thought about the woman who gave birth to me. Where was she? And was she thinking of me on this day?

I wanted to reassure them that my brother and I were fine.

In my mid-20s, I found my birth parents’ names on the electoral roll and decided to contact them. I wanted to reassure them that my brother and I were fine and we’d grown up in a loving family. I thought this would get rid of the emptiness I’d been feeling.

I discovered our birth parents had genuinely loved us and wanted a better life for us. My natural father had gone to prison and, without financial support, my birth mother had to put us up for adoption. This explanation satisfied many of my questions, but I still felt something was missing.

My natural parents were kind people, but we didn't have much in common. They had different backgrounds, different outlooks. Meeting them didn’t create the connection I'd hoped. In fact, I felt obligated to spend time with them—as if I owed them something.

So the empty feeling inside me remained. I began to feel I didn’t belong to anyone. It got so bad that I even felt awkward meeting people in new social situations.

Right there, God was saying, “You are my child and you do belong.” I began to think of myself as the daughter of Love, and realized that there was never a time when I was out of Love’s care. The empty feeling and constant questioning faded away. For the first time since I learned about my adoption, I truly felt at peace about my family.

I’ve become very grateful that my parents adopted both my brother and me—I see this as Love’s direction. I have a very happy relationship with them. And while I have no regrets about meeting my birth parents, I no longer feel it's my duty to spend time with them. Even though they didn’t provide the answer to my emptiness, I recognize the important part they played in my spiritual journey towards peace.