Ask Laurie – Advice to Single Moms

Ask VeronicaAsk Laurie your questions on single mom dating, coping with depression, coping with addiction, trouble with finances, household chores, cooking, and much more. Get direct answers to your single mom questions. Ask your questions using the form below, and Laurie will reply you as soon as possible. She will give you a direct, non sugar coated answer.

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Comments

  1. says

    hi laurie im a single mother I live in Brooklyn I work as a waitress and im looking for help finding an apartment its an emergency situation, public housing or hud is preffered can u please help!?

    • says

      Hi Crystal,
      I’m sorry you’re in an emergency situation. I hope the following information might be of help to you. Brooklyn Housing Family Services 718-435-7585 and their 24/7 voice mail box # 718-436-4587. Their address is 415 Albemarle Rd. Brooklyn, New York 11215
      I wish you the best of luck Crystal! God Bless.

  2. Kris says

    How can I help a single mom who admits she can only handle her strong-willed son four days a week and needs to be able to take a week to ten day break from him every few months?
    I take him for 72 hours straight, days she needs to work during weather issues as well as whenever she gets physically ill from parenting stress.

    • says

      Hello Kris,
      First of all I don’t know if you are a family member, a neighbor, or a very good friend, but you are awesome. However, with that said I think you need to have “the talk” with this parent. Friend, relative, or other, it’s time to share your feelings and be heard too. As a single mom, parenting is overwhelming,s and often these moms don’t get the needed breaks they deserve. Although in your case, it sounds like this person gets plenty of them. It’s a great thing to be there in the sense of “it takes a village” to help raise children, but be careful that you are not enabling her to rely on you too much and not address her parenting issues. Unfortunately Kris, as good a person as you are, you might be perpetuating your “friends” problem, even more. If you don’t address your concerns, you might end up feeling resentment towards her and your friendship could pay the price. Something I heard years ago, applies here: “You teach people how to treat you.” You sound like a loving, caring friend, and I can tell you want to help your friend, but it sounds like you really want her to become a more involved parent. You might have to take a big step back, in order for that to happen. The best of luck Kris! God Bless.

  3. Stephanie says

    Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a single mother of a 5 year old daughter. I have been having many problems with her father over the years (to say the least) and really don’t know how to handle it in order to not hurt my daughter anymore than she already does. We had to go through the court system for custody after he refused to give her back to be a few times when he had her; I have full custody while he has the right to look at her school and medical records. He’s supposed to give me a week’s notice when he wants to take her, and 20 hours a week of visitation. He goes months without seeing her, then when we bump into each other (out and about) he expects me to let him take her. Seeing as it’s court ordered about giving me a head’s up when he wants her and never does, why should I bow down to him? Then again my daughter is so excited and happy just to see him that I look like the bad guy telling him that he can’t take her. He has a girlfriend that he lies to (he did it to me when we were together…made it seem like it was his child’s mother that was the problem and that’s why he never saw them). Now I’m in the same boat because he comes to me with nonsense saying “well, when I get ahold of you, you never answer’ when he knows damn well he NEVER contacts me about her… never has. He does things to get under my skin, but the last time he actually took her, he went way over the line- He went out with my daughter and his girlfriend and got my 4 year old’s ear’s pierced. He knows I’m very much against it and even tried rushing to get away when I came to pick her up. I don’t speak bad of him to my daughter, I dont yell at him or even contact him anymore. My question is; Is there anything I can do legally to stop all this? I’d rather him sign his rights over but he would never do that… but he still continues to hurt my baby and do stupid things when he actually has her. Please help. Thanks!

    • says

      Hi Stephanie,

      It’s always a tough call to make when the other parent isn’t complying with “the rules.” In this case it’s a court order. While I’m sure your daughter is excited to see daddy whenever you run in to him, it’s smart of you and best for all, to stick to the ruling. I’m sure it must be difficult to explain that to your child, but in a loving manner remind her she will see him very soon. Don’t make it easy for him to take her, unfortunately, this is the side effect of a court ordered visitation. On the other hand, I’m pleased to hear you don’t “bash” him in front of your child, those comments are never healthy for kids to hear. As far as the ear piercing goes, that’s a discussion that should be shared by both parents. If more incidents come up like that, perhaps consulting a legal aid counselor on your parental rights might be wise in future matters. The best of luck to you, and remember your child’s well being is what matters most. God Bless.

  4. JB says

    I’m a single mother to a 6 yr old son and I’m 9 weeks pregnant. I have 4 days left to find shelter for my son and I. The area I live in is st Tammany parish La.
    Can you please send me any information you could possibly help me out with in this time of crisis?
    THANK YOU!

    • says

      Hello JB,
      The best I can tell you is look online for State Assistance and enter your town and state. I see La has many programs available, even with the recovery process still ongoing from Hurricane Katrina. Rental, food, medical and other services are open for assistance.
      God Bless you and your children.

  5. Hilda Miller says

    Hi. I am trying to ask about legal aid help, as I am a single mother of four. In the 27106 area of NC. Can you help me? thanks so much.

    • says

      Hi Hilda,
      Yes, you have your hands full! I would suggest you contact “North Carolina State Assistance” website…they offer housing assistance, healthcare benefits, food and childcare assistance.
      The best of luck to you. God Bless.

    • says

      Hi Adorn,
      I imagine this answer would vary from state to state, and based on your personal situation. Sometimes it can take up to a year or more, but in other cases it can be much earlier. Contact Your Local Housing Authority and enter your zip code, name of city and state and you should be able to find more answers to this question. The best of luck, God Bless.

  6. rathernotsay says

    Dear Laurie,

    I’m planing a birthday party for my 5 year old. Although her father is a part of her life he doesn’t help financially. To make a long story short. I do not have any contact with his new girlfriend. He has never tried introducing her to me nor do I even care to. I know it sounds immature but the things they did to me while I was pregnant are unforgivable. In trying to move on its a little hard when his father keeps telling me he regrets what he did and hes not happy where he’s at, she makes stupid comments to my son about me. When I have mentioned them to his dad he of course defends her and doesn’t believe me so I just don’t bother with telling him anymore. He thinks I make up stuff just to cause a scene. Anyway, my son asked me to invite his dad to his birthday. His sister contacts me from time to time to check on her nephew because she said she doesn’t see him anymore because no one likes her brothers girlfriend. I invited her to his birthday party and she proceeded to invite the rest of the family. Which I don’t mind but I don’t know if I did good or bad since his dad just told me he wasn’t going because of the relationship between his girlfriend and I. I told him it wasn’t about us it’s about his son. I don’t know if I did good or bad in inviting his family. I wasn’t going to but I didn’t want his sister to find out and be upset with me about the birthday party. I’m sad and hurt for my son. How someone can chose their significant other over a child is just beyond me.

    • says

      Dear Rathernotsay,

      It’s always difficult when relationships end and you’re left with more questions than answers. The bottom line is your child’s father and his family is, and hopefully will be a big part of your daughters life. The fact that your daughter asked to have her father at her birthday celebration, begs the conversation, that she loves him and wants him in her life. Now, whether or not the new girlfriend is okay with this, isn’t the issue. The relationship between father and daughter, and family is most important. Grown ups need to be adult about situations involving children, they are not the cause of these rifts, and should not pay the price. Take the higher road, and extend the olive branch of courtesy. If your ex is with someone new, that person is a part of his life too. Explain to your ex, this other person is welcome in your home, excluding any drama and remember, this is about a child’s request for her father, and her birthday wish. All parties involved need to focus on positive thoughts for your daughters sake. The more energy you place on the negative, the more it surrounds you. Take a deep breath, and do what’s best for your daughter. It sounds like you feel the same. Good Luck, and I hope her Birthday is a special one!

  7. haylee says

    How do I have the talk with my daughter (who is 7) about why she doesn’t have a dad? Of course, she does, but he chose to bail when she was barely born and is now in jail (has been in and out of jail since her birth). I have skated around the issue when things like Father’s Day or special events at school come up for Dads – either I go, or she has her grandfather. But for now, I have just explained that all families are different – some have just a mom, sometimes just a dad, sometimes grandparents only or even 2 moms in some cases. It hasn’t been a major issue – but my kid is extremely strong-willed and very curious – and also mature for her age. She was raised by me and spends most of her time with me – the only interactions she has with kids her age is at school. So, I guess I need to know when and how do I tell her the “truth”? It’s not a good story and it IS going to hurt her when she finds out the type of person her biological sperm donor is. I will never call him a father because he has never been one – and to me, it takes more than biology to be considered a “father”. Thanks in advance for your insight.

    • says

      Hi Haylee,
      It certainly is a difficult time, when children get older and know something is missing from their lives, in this case someone. Now that you realize your daughter needs some answers, it’s time for further discussions. I never feel it’s a good thing to bash talk an ex…even if they totally deserve it, but don’t get me wrong, I also don’t believe you should pretend they’re awesome when they aren’t. However, this man is her father. I have seen the hurt and anger on children’s faces when parents criticize and put down the other parent. Parents must remember your child is a part of the other parents DNA too, and so much is riding on your child’s self worth and self esteem right now, so it’s a fine balance. Perhaps if you shared a story of when you first met, and how much you loved each other, because all kids want to know they were wanted and came from love. Then you can add the fact that things happened that were not good and it was no longer healthy or safe to stay together. Although kids are very smart, be careful not to share too much grown up language, it can be overwhelming. Maybe share an example, just like school friends that are cool in the beginning and then turn into “the mean kid” parents and grown ups can change like that too. Keep what happened between the two adults, making sure your daughter understands it had nothing to do with her. Believe me, in time, as your daughter gets older, and if “dad” continues on the same path, she will see his “true colors” and draw her own conclusions. The best of luck Haylee, you sound like a great mom!

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