Dating can be daunting for single moms. There are still open wounds, bitterness, and there is plain not enough time for dating. Online dating could be a fast, fun, efficient, and easy way to get back in the dating pool while still having time for your kids. But what do you do when you actually find yourself going back out on dates? Here are a few DOs and DON’Ts to keep in mind.
Relax. It’s just a date. He’s not a serial killer. He’s just a guy looking for love, the same as you. If the date goes well, you’ll have another one. If you don’t, you’ll be on your way and on to the next potential love connection.
Be honest. Make sure that he knows you’re a mom and that being a mom will always come first. Let him know where you’re at, what you’re looking for and what your deal breakers are. Be honest and upfront.
Avoid making a big deal of your deal breakers or what you’re looking for, simply mention it casually and move on to the next topic of discussion. Also avoid sharing too much of your life story too soon. Tell him only what he needs to know, which isn’t much, at least on the first date. All he needs to do is know a little bit about you, enough to decide whether or not he wants to see you again. Giving him your life story right away isn’t going to do anything but put him off and fry his brain.
Have any expectations or timelines. It will happen when it happens, and usually when you least expect it. Having expectations in your mind builds up the situation into more than it is. You will find love again, you just don’t know when, but rest assured, it will happen. It’s just a matter of time. We all want and need love. That being said, the worst thing you can do is put pressure on yourself by insisting that it happen “now.” You will only set yourself up for disappointment, and you’ll come off as desperate or needy which will only scare away potential matches before you have a chance to find out if you’re right for each other or not.
Keep an open mind. We all have a “type.” But how many of us found ourselves falling in love and having a serious relationship with someone who fit that type? If you’re like most people, you’ll find that who you thought you’d end up falling for and who you actually fell for are two completely different people. What does that mean? Nobody knows anything. You may “know” exactly what kind of kind you want or will end up with, but do you really? Probably not. And what if you meet a great guy, who’s amazing with you and your kid(s) but doesn’t fit into that little box of who you thought you’d end up with? Would you really turn him away? You might, if you don’t have an open mind. So keep your eyes peeled and your mind open.
These are a few things to keep in mind as you return to dating. Keep them in the back of your mind, but above all, have fun! It’s a date, and dating should feel good and be a good time for all involved. It’s not rocket science or brain surgery, it’s just love!