Dating is definitely tough as a single mom and what makes it even more difficult is trying to differentiate and apply all the dating advice out there that tells you to do something other than be yourself.
There’s one specific concept that I am so completely sick of hearing about that I decided it was time to write about it! This concept is an old one that has been around forever and while it may hold some value, it’s definitely overrated. It’s an immature game that women are told they have to play to “win” their dream relationship…
THE PLAYING HARD TO GET GAME
Women are told that they need to hold back and be somewhat mysterious. They’re told to not answer his phone calls all the time, to not text back right away, to flirt with other men in front of him, to “seem” like they have a life. What are we? Bored teenage girls with such little confidence that we have to manipulate our dream guy into thinking we have a life? Well, as any single mom knows, for us, a busy and adventurous life is definitely not lacking.
It’s not that I don’t think you should try to appeal to his more competitive masculine side but such an immature game does not appeal to the character of a single mother. We are about hard work, honesty, being vulnerable and nurturing relationships where people love us for our true honest self’s. So why should we try to convince someone that our time is precious when we already know it is? Well, here I break down the game and give you the mature version of it. This version works for more mature women who are looking for a lasting relationship because it lets him see who you really are but also makes him work a little to win your heart.
Do not wait half as long as he does to reply to text and other messages.
What single mother has time to sit around and watch the clock until it’s been approximately half as long as you had to wait for his reply? Plus if he’s smart, he’ll figure this pattern out after a few messages.
Do reply when you are available.
Just keep your first message brief and to the point or “short and sweet” and let him lead with the communication. Tell him what you need to tell him but don’t try to put too much emotion into it because often this can lead to miscommunication. If you want to tell him how happy he makes you, it’s best to do so in person.
Do not turn down dates just to prove that you have a life.
First of all, if you’re really into a guy this takes a lot of discipline. Second of all, single moms don’t have the luxury of a lot of free time. So when we do have it, we have to take advantage of it and going out with a guy you really like seems to be the perfect way to do so. Do you really have to go out of your way to prove you have a life to him? I hate this one because when I really like a guy, I want to go out with him often! I can’t get enough of him and I want to learn more and if he wants to see me just as much, then why not?
Do accept his invitation for a date if you want to and if you can.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend a lot of time with him and if he wants to see you too, then go for it! Let him know just how much you like spending your time with him! However, don’t cancel other plans to go out with him. If you have a girls night planned, stick to it and have fun! Remember, your time with him is an exciting addition to your life not your life.
Do not rub it in his face that you love being single.
Women think that if they make it a point that they are perfectly happy and content with being single and don’t need a partner that men will want them even more. Not true! If anything, he’ll feel like he can’t offer you anything and move on. Men want to feel needed and wanted by you.
Do let him know that you are confident in yourself.
You can be confident and still want the closeness and security of a relationship. No one truly wants to be alone. We weren’t meant to be alone but these days, everyone is too afraid to trust others. Let your confidence shine by showing him the things you love about your life but instead of making it seem as though these things are only for you to enjoy, show him that you would like to make room for someone else to enjoy them too. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. If he sees that you aren’t afraid to admit that you need a shoulder to cry on or a kind word of encouragement now and then, he’ll appreciate you for this.
Do not blatantly flirt with other men to make him jealous.
This is so immature! If you go around winking and accepting drinks from inquiring men, you might make him jealous and spark his territorial nature but you’re also going to make him feel insecure.
Do let other men appreciate you with respect for your man.
If another man pays you a compliment, simply say “thank you”. If another man whistles at you, simply smile and turn back to your man. If another man buys you a drink, say “no thank you, I’m with him”. The key is to not turn away the appreciation of another man but to boost your guys ego by letting other men know that you are with him and proud of it!
Don’t withhold all physical affection.
You are a grown woman who knows how to respect herself, so why not have a little fun? You absolutely can give in a little the first night without being “easy”.
Do give in as much as you are comfortable with.
Often we feel like we have to make men work for our physical attention. While we shouldn’t just drop our pants and get down to business on the first night, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a hot and heavy make out session. We also fear that they’ll disrespect us but in truth, men respect women who know and indulge their physical needs. They even admire us for it. Give him a peak at your confident sexuality and he’ll definitely come back for more.
The whole idea is to let him see that you really are beautiful, confident, strong, vulnerable and fun without pretending. He’ll appreciate your honesty and openness and if he doesn’t, then he’s not worth your time.
Do you have experience with playing hard to get? Let me know and comment below.
Written by Kristy Casto
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