We work a nine to five stable job, which provides life insurance, health insurance, dental, 401K, vacation time and sick leave. Whew. We need all that “stuff” to care for our children. It’s like a survival kit, and without it, we may just crumble and fall to the ground, in little itty bitty pieces.
At the end of our hectic work day, we come home and nurture our children. We do this over and over again, each and every day, but there is more to us than working and nurturing. We have dreams and aspirations. We have talents that we were gifted with at birth. We may have a creative side or a technical side that is being suppressed, never able to cultivate to the point of achieving a desired goal.
Unless you are fortunate enough to be working in your “dream” field, you are constantly battling, within, your wants vs. your needs. More often than not, your needs win and your wants suffer a TKO. Some hide what they truly love out of fear and reason, “I’m silly to think I could ever do that with all of my responsibilities.” Others articulate their heart’s desire, and then add, “I know it’s a pipedream, but you’ve got to have a dream, right?” Others actually try to achieve their dreams. They fight time and energy to fill their soul.
As single moms, it’s beyond difficult, but we can take our wildest dream and make it happen. Mine… is a work in progress. I love to write, so I’ve authored two books, thus far. I don’t write as often as I would like – everyday – but I find time here and there to do what I love. I may get up early in the morning on the weekend and start writing. It’s slow going, but I’m doing it. And look! I even used the opportunity to write encouraging articles to other single moms on this website. I have to say, it is probably more encouraging for me than it is for you. It warms my heart to know that I can put a smile on someone else’s face, pep in their step, and hope in their heart.
This is why I worked on my third book, Single Mom Syndrome, Rising above the Challenge with God’s Help, which was published Fall 2012.
Here are excerpts from two chapters in the book:
Not So Wonderful News?
IT WAS A DAY OF NORMALITY… just a routine check-up at the doctor’s office. I sat on the examining table and waited for my gynecologist to enter the room.
“Hi Alice,” he said in a friendly voice as he walked in, “How is everything?”
“Any problems or concerns,” he probed.
“No, I feel good. Everything is great.”
As he examined me, I looked up and could almost twiddle my thumbs…just the same ole, same ole. “He’ll be done in a sec, and I’ll be on my way,” were my thoughts.
Then he asked, “When is the last time you had your menstrual cycle?”
I answered his question, then added “I’m just a few days late. That does happen sometimes. I’ll start any day now.”
“Are you on birth control pills?”
“No, I’m not.”
Seeking clarification, he repeated, “Your cycle hasn’t started yet, and you do not take birth control.”
I just stared at him with a questionable, “What are you implying?” He can’t be serious. I know he doesn’t suspect I’m pregnant. No way, impossible! I’m 40 years old, okay? I am too old to conceive. Well, I guess I missed the sex education class that taught as long as you have a menstrual cycle, you can conceive. Or, was I just too in denial to think I could actually get pregnant at my age…how naïve.
However, I blew it off and didn’t think anything further about his inquisition.
“Okay, you can get dressed, and I’ll be right back.”
He walked out to routinely do the things that doctors do when they leave you in a room for fifteen minutes, just to come back and say, “Okay, everything is fine. See you next year.”
What I did not know is that he took it upon himself to perform a test that I would never expect him to perform. He didn’t share his plan with me.
After I had time to dress and, if I wanted to, re-dress and re-dress again, he walked back in, looked at me, paused for a moment and said, “I have good news, and I have bad news.”
“First tell me the good news, then the bad.”
“The good news is you are in good health.”
Okay, so I don’t get it; what could the bad news be? I had no clue. It never even entered mind.
“The bad news is…you are pregnant; or, maybe it’s good news to you.”
I’m Cape Verdean, therefore, my skin has much pigmentation, but at that moment, I’m sure I turned as white as a sheet. My mouth dropped, and I was in a bit of shock.
Sex, Relationship, and Love
YES, I HAD TO GO THERE. That is how some of us became single moms in the first place. I call the combination of the three – sex, relationship, and love – Sur-ReaL. If you don’t have all three, it’s a nightmare and you are living a lie, as my son put it.
When he was nine, I was sitting on my closet floor sorting out some clothing items. He came in, sat next to me and started talking. Then, out of nowhere, he said, “You are living a lie.” I asked, “What did you say?” He answered, “Nothing.” He did that so many times, as you will read more of in this book. He says things. I mean, it just comes out of his mouth and it’s like the Holy Spirit is speaking to me through him. He never knows what he says or why he said it. It’s always a profound message to me.
I knew right then it was pertaining to my relationship with a man I had been dating for the past three years…Oh yea! I knew it was a lie in my heart, but I wanted a companion, so I pretended it was true. Sadly, it didn’t have the “Sur-ReaL” factor…the three ingredients that make a lasting partnership. The key formula that makes you feel like the relationship is so fantastic that it must be a dream…it’s something that just doesn’t happen every day. It’s special and it’s completely satisfying.
My books aren’t #1 Best Sellers, yet, but they fulfill a purpose, make me happy, and help others. Writing satisfies something in me that I need, which helps me handle other aspects of my life, which is working and nurturing. Don’t suppress your internal aspirations because you think you can’t achieve them. Just move forward and do them, no matter how small or great. No matter how long it takes… work toward your goals. You’ll be happy you did!
You can take your dreams and make them a reality, too.
Written by Alice Monterio