Funny Mom Jokes

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a one-year-old to eat strained beets.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.
BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom’s kids.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.
MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc., which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look “cheap.”
PURSE: A handbag in which Mom carries the checkbook and keys she can never find because they’re buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic containerfull of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, a football, wallpaper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons.
SCREAMING: Home P.A. system.
SOAP: A cleaning agent Mom puts on the sink on the off-chance one of her kids will accidentally grab it while reaching for the towel.