There are lots of different things we can do or say that others might consider a demonstration of love. But in order for something to be considered a genuinely loving act, it has to come from the right place.
For instance, you might think you’re doing something loving by being the peacemaker in an argument and just agreeing with your partner in order to get straight to the make-up sex, but if nothing actually gets worked out and your resentment ends up straining the relationship further, how is that a demonstration of love? It isn’t really!
Real ways to demonstrate your love for your partener
1. Consider what would really make your partner happy, and hold it in your awareness.
This means checking in with them on a daily basis and finding out what’s going well in their life, what they’re worried about, what they need in order for life to be a little easier, and so forth. Take these things in as if they were your own concerns.
2. Learn what makes your partner tick.
A lot of people think they already know everything about their partner, but people’s likes and dislikes change from time to time. Learning about someone is not a destination, it’s a process. Take the time to ask your partner what they like, what they don’t like, what makes them tick, and so forth. You might be surprised at how much you don’t know.
3. Learn to listen to your partner.
There are all sorts of verbal and non-verbal cues that people give off, and you don’t have to be a mind reader to pick up on them. If your partner is constantly wincing and rubbing the back of their neck, clearly they could use a massage! If they keep saying how much they like seafood, maybe it’s time to eat out at a seafood restaurant. Learn to pick up on these things.
4. Do whatever you have to do to in order to start making positive changes happen for your partner.
Baby steps is all it takes – little things like getting their coffee right or knowing which magazine to buy without having to be told can make all the difference in the world. If you know they get frustrated with clutter, make the extra effort not to leave your socks lying around. Little things like that.
5. Make an effort to continuously explore what you don’t know about each other.
My husband and I love to just get in the car sometimes and drive – I’ll suggest it, then I’ll let him pick the direction. Sometimes we end up somewhere and get out and explore; other times we’ll just drive in silence and enjoy each other’s presence. It all contributes to learning more about each other on a regular basis.
And these are just some suggestions to start with – when you use these as a stepping stone, you begin to learn the joy inherent in bringing joy to your partner. Laughter, surprise, and happiness all begin to be things you and your partner associate with each other, if it comes from the right place. I have always said that if you actually care, then act like it! Great relationships begin within!
Article by Maryanne Comaroto