When you are dating someone, it’s very important to keep your attention centered on yourself. Of course you’re excited and your head is up in the clouds when you’re with someone you like but it’s easy to let your attention and energy shift from you to him. This is when you start to become anxious and worried. You worry that he may become disinterested or that you need to do more for him. But stop worrying about him and what he thinks about you and keep your attention centered on you. The question is, is he doing enough for you? Are you happy? ARE YOU HAPPY?
When you’re anxious
Whether you are in a relationship already or you’re dating, you may start to feel anxious and worried. You find yourself waiting by your phone or trying to analyze his every word and move. This is because you are no longer centered. You are no longer putting yourself first because you are putting him first. You are giving your attention to a situation that you have no control over and that’s what makes you anxious. And believe me; men have internal radars for this anxious behavior. This is usually what makes men run. They sense your anxiety and desire to control the outcome and have them act the way you want them to. They can sense when you’re waiting around for them as if they are the center of your whole life and this creates a lot of pressure on them. Why? Because when you become anxious like this, they feel as though your happiness depends on them. Like if they don’t text you back when you expect them to, your whole day is ruined or if they don’t remember your birthday, they’re all of a sudden the worst boyfriend. Men want to make you happy but they don’t want your happiness to depend on them. Honestly, this is where a lot of women go wrong. At first they are this cool headed happy and easy to please woman but then they start to really like a guy and decide they want more and on their timeline. All of a sudden they become anxious and needy pains in the ass. No guy wants to deal with that!
When you stay centered
You have to remember that the only one that is responsible for your happiness is YOU. No one owes you anything and you don’t owe anyone anything. You owe yourself love, happiness and fulfillment. Everyone else that comes into your life can only add to your happiness.
When you stay centered, you keep your cool headed happy and easy to please image in his eyes and this is incredibly desirable to men because they know that you’re happy with or without them and there’s no pressure on them to change who they are in order to please you. When he knows that you’re genuinely happy and that you don’t depend on him, this inspires him to do things to add to your happiness. I’m not saying you can’t ever want for his shoulder to cry on and you don’t have to be skipping around like a fool 24/7 but you have to put yourself first and you have to depend on yourself and no one else.
Here are some tips for keeping your attention centered on YOU. This is an everyday conscious decision that you have to make. But when you decide that you come first always and no exceptions, no one will ever be able to knock you down from a broken heart again.
Alone time is bliss to me. When I’m alone, I am able to connect with myself and recharge my soul. It’s my time to do whatever I want and to feel good about who I am. Take some time whether it is an hour or a whole night every week to turn your phone off and just be alone. Make this time important and please do not use this time to catch up on cleaning. Unless of course you think cleaning is fun. In that case, break out the mop and turn up the music! Whatever you do, make sure it’s something that makes you feel good and relaxed. Alone time is for reminding yourself of who you are and what makes you happy.
There is power in “no”
You know what you like, what inspires you and what brings you happiness. If your guy suggests something other than what you want, just say no. Don’t worry about what he thinks if you don’t like his suggestion. Because remember, you come FIRST. But when you say no, do so with respect. Don’t set out to make him feel like a jerk for wanting to take you hunting when he knows you’re an animal lover and couldn’t hurt a fly. If he wants you to do something that you do not want to do, put yourself first and politely say no. No explanation needed. Men respect and want women who aren’t pushovers and you owe it to yourself to not do anything that makes you unhappy.
Do not break your plans
I find this is a difficult one for women to follow but it’s an important one. A lot of women let their social life fall off their grid when they get into a relationship. All of a sudden they don’t have time for their friends because they’re always keeping their schedule open for their man. Don’t do this! Your life does not revolve around him. A lot of times when men ask me to do something on the same day, I usually can’t because I’ve already made plans with my friends or my kids. And even though I want to see the guy, I refuse to break plans I’ve already committed to. The other people in my life are very important to me and I love spending time with them. This will never change because if it ever does, I’ve forgotten what’s important to me.
It may even be that you’ve planned a night in with your favorite movie, ice cream and you want to paint your nails. If that’s what you’ve planned to do tonight, do that. Even if he calls and wants to take you out. Just simply say “I would love to but I have other plans”. Again, no explanation needed. When a man sees that your life is full and that you’re not just waiting around for him, this is incredibly sexy to him. And when you don’t wait around for him, this gives you power and confidence. You’re saying that you don’t need anyone to make you happy because you’re already happy.
Be grateful for the little things in your life
Being grateful opens your heart to instant joy and it lifts you. Staying centered is all about giving your thoughts and energy to the things that bring you joy. So take joy from the little things in your everyday life and you won’t have time to think about anything that makes you anxious or unhappy. Even if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, go downstairs and make a cup of coffee and when its warm aroma hits you, close your eyes and give a moment to be grateful for that cup of coffee. Be grateful for the familiarity of the things in your daily routine and the comfort they bring.
Be grateful for the hugs from your children or your talent for making people laugh. Practicing gratefulness fills you with happiness so there’s no room for anything less. You can even make a short list of your favorite things and if you need a pick me up, pull out your list and remind yourself of what you are grateful for. One of my things is my favorite perfume so sometimes; I’ll get that perfume out and spray it just once. I’ll then close my eyes and allow myself to be grateful for the familiar and wonderful smell of it. Practicing gratefulness sets an active example of just how simple happiness really is.
Remember that you are responsible for your happiness and that you are worthy of happiness. Your power to be happy lies within you and it’s important to nourish this, so do so. Always do what inspires you and makes you happy and nothing else. A woman who can please herself is a rare woman and one any man desires because this is the kind of woman who inspires him.