Love You, First

Love you firstIt’s 4:15 a.m., the alarm goes off, and I’m up and running.  We get dressed and hurry out the door for our one hour drive to school and work.  Not much time to think of my needs.  I drop my son off and head to work.  The hustle and bustle of the day leaves no room for self-gratification.

Now we’re at home and it’s time to check homework, eat dinner and get ready to do it all over again the next day.  “Good night, Colby”.  He is finally in bed.

I sit down and the surround sound in my living room projects complete silence.  Now that I have time to get in touch with my feelings, I discover “lonely”, all of a sudden.  I’m sitting here by myself with no one to talk to.  I turn on the television to drown out the “quietness”.  Sure, the TV can produce other people talking in the room, but I cannot communicate with them.  They cannot listen to what happened at work today, or what I ate for lunch, or how the cashier was especially kind to me at the grocery store, which made up for my difficult day.  They cannot hear me or respond to me.  It is then that I realize it would be nice to have a partner.

I’m sure that many of you can relate to my analogy.  Many single moms feel lonely in the evening when things have quieted down, or when their child is visiting with their dad for the weekend.  They feel lost and alone.

That is a good reason to date, but a bad reason to settle for anyone because you “need” to have someone in your life.

There are very important things to consider when you begin to “think” about dating:

  • 1)   You are not dating just for “you”.  You must consider your child because whoever you are with may end up becoming their step-dad.  They will have influence over your child.  Make certain that you hold the same values.  You should get to know them for at least three to six months – by then, the “real” person surfaces – before bringing them around your children.  Be careful, there are many predators out there.  Your child’s safety comes first; they’re your responsibility.  You are their protector.  Hopefully, you are a good judge of character.
  • 2)  Are you healed from your Baby Daddy Rhapsody?   I’m sure that if you’re single now, your former relationship wasn’t so great.  It may have started off that way, but ended badly… I’m just sayin’.  I’m sure you have scars of low self-esteem, confusion, hurt, and maybe despair – I know I was in deep despair after my divorce.  You may not even know who you are at this point.  Well, is it a good idea to jump into another relationship with all that in the works?  No.  You need to heal, build yourself up, and KNOW who you are.  It is only then that you can date with clarity… making better choices for yourself and your child.  You, definitely, don’t want to find yourself back in the same situation.

In the meantime, and in between time, there are things that you can do to suppress feelings of loneliness.

  • 1)   Pick up a hobby.  Do something that you love, something that makes   you happy.
  • 2)   Get to know other single moms.  Get together with them to encourage    one another and share stories.
  • 3)   Read uplifting and inspirational literature.   VERY helpful!
  • 4)   Journal.  There is something about journaling that soothes the soul.

You may even get a #1 Best Seller out of it!

So, bottom line, don’t date hastily.  Consider your children and be very careful with whom you become involved.  Heal from your past relationships, then date.  In the meantime, keep busy, build yourself up.  Know yourself and love yourself, so you can obtain a healthy relationship for you and your child.

You are great!  You don’t need a partner to tell you so.

Written by Alice Monterio

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