Having gone through a divorce, it is common for women to want to move in with the man who they feel they have a connection with, instead of wanting to marry him right away. Testing waters by living together is indeed a good idea and does help to get to know a person better. When it is just two people involved, things are easier with the moving in, but if you are looking at kids too, then the situation does get a whole lot more complicated.
The tips below will help you ease the move with the kids:
- Clear apprehensions – The children may have apprehensions about this moving-in since they may feel that their rights will now be in the hands of your boyfriend. Indeed this could make them very uncomfortable. It is important that you assure that kids that their rights, needs and desires will all be in your hands and that you will not compromise on them at any cost. It is very important that you talk with the kids and make them comfortable with the idea of moving into the ‘new house’.
- Define personal space – Let them have a preview of the new place. Identify areas to them which will be their personal space. Their bedroom, their study table and even their play area should be marked out to them. This will make them feel wanted and also allow them to dream of the comfortable living that they will have in this new place. Even more importantly the kids will be assured that they will have their personal space in the new house too and will not be at the mercy of anyone.
- Gain trust – If you and your partner both do not gain the trust of the kids when moving in together, these kids will never settle down. It is important that they are fully comfortable with the idea of moving in together, and are open to seeing the new place as their home. For this you will need to talk with them and deliver on the promises that you do make. So if you have promised that the kids will have a television of their own in the new house, and then make sure you deliver, since at this stage it their trust is crucial.
If you are having difficulty with the kids, and if this is an option, it might be a better idea to move into a new place instead of the place where your man currently lives. This will help break away from the tag of the house being ‘his’ and instead become a home for ‘everyone’. With some effort on your part and of course your man’s part too, the two of you will soon be able to make the kids comfortable in the new home. If you are able to a strike a good balance here, happiness is bound to follow. So take extra care in ensuring that the children settle in well when you and your boyfriend move in together.