There are some luxuries that single moms do not have and postpartum blues is one of them. I always presumed that postpartum blues were a problem that only moms with time faced. I was a single mom who did not have time to breath leave alone anything else. I was eight months pregnant when I went into labor and gave birth to my second baby. By then my husband and I had divorced and when I came home, it was to an empty house. My older daughter was 4 years old and was with my sister for the past one week since I had been in the hospital. This was my second baby and so I did not expect it to be any different from the first, but I was really wrong.
Postpartum blues stuck me and stuck me hard. Within two days my older daughter moved back with me and now I had to look after a new born and a 4 year old. While I was a much happier person after my first delivery, now things were different. Divorced, with two kids and looking like a pumpkin, I simply broke down on all fronts.
I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would snap at the kids and yell at my 4 year old ever so often. Things went from bad to worse when I started to avoid food in order to lose weight fast and this immediately affected my milk output too. Every time my baby cried I would want to run away from the house. The sight of my mirror image made me weep for hours on end. I did not want to talk to anyone and would keep the entire house locked and the curtains pulled through the day. By the time I had to go back for my first check up back to the hospital, things had taken a very bad turn. I spoke to the gynecologist about my situation and she immediately identified it as postpartum depression.
I was told to get enough rest and bring in some help so that I have some time to myself. The doctor told me I must eat properly and drink a lot of fluids so that I am able to feed properly and stay healthy. I was also asked to exercise and take walks out in the open as often as I could. The one very important thing that the doctor asked me to do was socialize. She said I must join a few groups of single moms in my position so that could interact with them. This was going to be rather difficult.
I lived out in the suburbs and here looking for a group of single mother’s was not going to be easy. I did hire some part time help to come and assist me in the mornings but the evenings were still tough for me. I decided to look up the net for some single mom forums and it was here that I found some solace. There were many single mom advice columns and forums that I could become a part of without even having to travel an inch or spend a dime.
Initially I joined a lot of forums but then eventually I have settled down to a couple of sites that I know are offering good content. http://www.singlemom.com/ is a decent site that I have now being following for some time. Alice’s column is my favorite on this site. There is some very good advice on this column and the ease of the reading is also very simple.
I do believe that postpartum blues have a lot to do with the mother’s state of mind. Mine for one was not really very positive when I had my second baby. In fact I had conceived the baby in the dying hope that it would change things between me and my husband. But rather than help, it made things even worse. This is why when I had the baby I was holding a lot of venom in me and with no one else in the house to share my plight with, it all came pouring out on the kids.
I knew that while I had to pay attention to my health, I also had to take care of the kids even more than before. Talking to other moms like me on the net made me realize that the damage a mom can do to the kids during her postpartum blues period is extensive. Alice’s column had articles that helped me understand how I could break free from negativity and then go on to win my kids back. In about a month’s time things settled down and I got a better hold of my life.
My older one has started kindergarten. I am able to manage the younger one much better and the fact that I continue to care for my personal needs also helps me stay away from depression. Things are not easy for a single mom. Even in cases where you may have the funds to care for the kids, even then the loneliness is not easy to combat. The blues taught me a big lesson. I understood the human need to connect with others. Just taking to other single moms, reading up on single mom advice and opening my mind to new interactions, helped me pull myself out of the depression. I urge other ladies in my position to understand that postpartum blues are very real. In the case of single moms they may hit you even harder since there is no one to notice them and pull you out of the problem. As a single mom you have to b responsible for everything in your life. Only you can pull yourself out of this depression. Take time for yourself and do things that make you happy. It is important for the kids to have a happy mom and only then will they learn to be happy too.