Being a single parent is difficult, especially when there is bad blood between the two of you. It should go without saying that the children should never witness that type of animosity. But it is often hard to avoid it. The truth is, your kids love their dad and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can either put on your big girl pants and suck it up or you can cause a distance between you and your kids by showing them the anger you hold inside.
To me the first option seems much better and grinning and baring it is the way in which I choose to roll. It took my ex-husband and me a long time to ruin our relationship and it wasn’t a one side deal. I have to guess that your situation was broken by two people as it really isn’t ever one person’s fault.
Stop saying ‘well he did this and he did that.’ What did you do? We are all guilty of something and when a relationship ends it usually is a domino effect of many wrong doings.
Now that I got that little rant of my chest I would like to talk about holidays and how you handle them. Obviously you get Mother’s Day, he gets Father’s Day and you have to fight over the rest. It’s likely that a judge or your attorney’s helped you iron out your Holiday schedule and you have come to the realization that you just won’t have them every Christmas or Thanksgiving. Its okay, they will still be with dad and doing the family thing.
Until your kids are old enough to buy their own gifts for their dad, you will be in charge of doing so. Don’t let your bitterness stop them from being able to show love to their dad. Include them in the process and give them a budget that you can live with and shop away.
If your little ones don’t know what dad would like then you may have to suck it up once again and remember the good things about him. Take time to remember his favorite pastime of BBQ or football, whatever the case may be. Then look for the best gift baskets for Dad online as a family. Talk to your kids about why you think each one is good. This will enforce that you do care about their dad and will leave them feeling less torn about the situation.
Remember, there will come a time that you will no longer be mad and at about that time you won’t be required to shop for dad anymore. Until that time comes it is important for your kids to see that they were made out of love and there is a mutual respect between the two of you. Nothing affects our kids more than seeing their parents hate one another.
As a final piece of advice when dealing with holidays and divorce, it is obvious that on certain days you are going to be away from your children and that is going to make you sad. Don’t show them your sadness, it is unhealthy for them and ultimately it won’t help the situation. Be happy for them and put on your game face when they come home and are excited about their day.
Written by Sara Stringer
About the author:
Sara is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships, and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine in Southern California.