Like attracts like. If you know who you truly are: a person who is mature, responsible, capable, has herself together, a great parent, a hard worker, a kind, compassionate, strong person, then why would you not attract someone similar in a partner? If you find that you are attracting the kind of partners that you don’t want (or need), then maybe you need to take a break and get to the bottom of it. Remember, the partner that you allow in your home, that you create a new household with is not simply going to affect your life, but your relationship dynamic with this person is going to impact your children’s emotional and mental development and shape their perceptions for life.
Some people, on the other hand, can’t even begin to make the decision about whether they should date or take a break. How many of you know somebody who can’t not be in a relationship? These are the people, who no matter what, have to have a significant other. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship that is bringing them happiness or a relationship that brings them a great deal of stress or frustration—they have to have someone in their life. If you are that person, you know it full well. You have that terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach that the worst thing in the world that you would be willing to face is being truly, utterly alone. You are willing to put up with anything—from frustration to stress to even poor treatment and disrespect– simply to be part of a couple. You find yourself defending your partner’s disrespect to your friends, family—even to your children– and you spend a lot of time plotting and planning to make your relationship better, to the point that you neglect other aspects of your life, including your children. You don’t need this book to tell you that you should probably take a dating break. You know it. You feel it in your heart. You just have to find the courage to do so.
I’ll tell you one thing: it’s always worth it to go through the process of seeking counseling/therapy or other methods of help and healing in order to help yourself have the wisdom and strength to make better choices. Your life is worth it and, most certainly, your children are worth it. Isn’t it better to remain single and seek help now to make better choices for your children’s sake, than it is for them to seek therapy years later to undo the emotional damage caused by your dysfunctional relationship?
Now, having said all that… Let’s remember that no one is perfect. Just like you can’t expect perfection in a partner, you certainly can’t expect perfection in yourself. It’s just not going to happen. As long as you are breathing, you’re going to have issues, flaws, tendencies, proclivities and make mistakes in judgment and perception. It’s called being human. But if you’ve got the strength, the will and the good sense to take responsibility for your choices and actions and make the best of things with good sense, hard work, the power of your intent or all three, you can probably handle a great relationship. If you’re ready for a productive, healthy love, then your past doesn’t matter. In other words, go for it. Go for love!
Opening your heart and your mind to the possibility of new love might be your first step to a new love. Or you might already have met that someone making you consider changing your status on Facebook. If you’re ready to open your heart and embrace love with a partner who is mature, caring and worthy of you and your children, then, the question is, what are you waiting for?