Everybody wants to be in love. When single mothers decide to get back into the dating world again, it is not always easy. Not just because you have children, but because you start taking risks that might involve more hurt feelings, again.
I would like to think that there is that one “best” time to start over. There isn’t. Some parents might say, “get right back into the dating scene again,” while others might be reluctant and hesitant for many years.
When I was happily married and raising my family, I remember hearing stories about those single moms who paraded men back and forth and in and out of their family home, and their children’s lives. I didn’t understand that.
Years later when I became one of “those single moms,” I still didn’t understand that. When I went back to night school, I heard more stories from other women who were bored, lonely and frustrated. I do understand that part.
Going through a divorce is devastating. The effects on our adult, self esteem is devastating. The loss and impact on our children’s lives is also devastating. Time will be our new friend and eventually, we will find our true self again.
I never thought about bringing my dates home or even inviting them for family dinners. Not until I knew, this was “the one.” In my personal opinion, if we are just trying to medicate our loneliness and loss, then eventually we will end up back where we all started. It takes much courage and belief in ourselves to strive for the best.
That means searching and waiting for that great man to welcome into your life and your children’s. I ‘m not saying, “don’t date.” I ‘m not saying, “wait for Mr. Perfect,” (there is no such person), but I do feel we should become more selective and follow our natural instincts, and perhaps be more discreet who we bring into our home and around our children.
I think we should try to give our kids a healthy version of what a healthy couple can look like. Children get attached so easily to ” a father figure” only to have that person leave or walk away, once again.
Relationships are truly wonderful, and they open windows to our world. I don’t feel any one of us women can say which way is best, only what worked best in their life. Each of our experiences are different. One solution will never be right for everyone.
As women, I would hope for patience with ourselves. Acceptance of our flaws and recognition of our strengths. Slowly we make progress everyday. That is a valuable lesson to teach our children. The same “baby steps” they made learning to walk, we moms make in taking better care of ourselves. We are the epitome of caretaker, nurturer and friend. Maybe the next time, you feel lonely and frustrated, remember where you have come from, and where you really want to be.
You are worthy of a healthy partner, a loving person and a great role model for your family too.
Article by Laurie Cesario-Overton