I was sitting on the black leather couch Mike and I had just bought only a few months ago. Leah was at my feet, wagging her tail, looking for attention, which we rarely gave her. I don’t know if it was the awkward silence or just the need to get out of the house, but Mike decided to go to the store, for what, who knows.
As I was sitting there alone, Law and Order was on the TV, as it usually was, and I was crying. I can’t pin point the exact reason why I was in tears, but I felt this empty hole in my heart. On any given day, my house was full of people. Whether it was the Sunday football games or the nightly poker parties with friends, amidst all the chaos and company, I always felt alone. I knew I didn’t fit in, I knew I was just the “girl friend”. At that moment, I suddenly understood the saying “Love Isn’t Enough”. I felt my heart break, like really break. It was a pain like nothing I have ever felt. I stared at my engagement ring; it had three perfect diamonds, supposedly to symbolize past, present and future. Past, well, it was done, over, unchanging, and I was OK with that. I liked our past, we were good, we were really good. The present, it was not like the past, it was tense, lonely, indifferent and confusing. Now the future, that’s what really scared me, because I saw nothing.
Leah was barking at the door and snapped me out of my daze, my face was covered in tears so I ran for the bathroom to clean myself up. Mike walked in and kissed me on the lips, not to say hello but out of some pre programmed gesture that has now just become routine. He sits down and puts on ESPN and I start dinner.
Dinner’s ready, I served us both and placed the plates on the table. We ate in near silence. A few “How was your day?” and “fine, yours” were exchanged, but that was the extent of our casual dinner conversation. We finished up and cleared the table and stepped outside for a cigarette, one of the rare things we still did together. He noticed I wasn’t right, that something was off, so he asks “is everything OK”, I responded, “We need to talk”…
I told him how we were growing apart and how we barely even spoke anymore. I explain what I want for the future and how he doesn’t seem to be heading in that direction. He stared at me for a while, a sign that he was not disagreeing. As I sat there in silence, I reflected over the past three years. I remember looking at this very same man with a passion that burned inside me. He put life back inside my heart that I once thought was dead but at that moment, I felt nothing, and nothing is what I saw in his eyes. It didn’t take long for us to decide that we needed to part. We both did our fair share of trying to convince the other that we would change, but with no conviction in our promises, we both knew we were just going through the motions. We went to bed understanding it was over, the past three years had finally come to an end. We were equally broken hearted, but still slept in the same bed. Maybe it was our way of saying good-bye.
I pull up to the apartment the next day and notice Mikes car is still in the drive way. I walked inside to find him watching TV. I figured he would have gone to his moms house by this point, but hey, it’s his house too, what could I say? He asks me if I’m hungry and considering I had skipped lunch, my only possible reply was yes. We got in the car and headed to Bahama Breeze. On the car ride over, we were laughing and talking like we used to, we even had a moment at a red light. I was in mid giggle when he caught my eye and kept it for what felt like hours. The honking horns behind us brought us back to reality and we sat in an awkward and somewhat familiar silence, it was almost comforting.
After we got our table I was quick to order a vodka and pineapple, it was all I drank then. When I took my first sip, it tasted sour, something wasn’t right, I sent it back. The second one was just the same, I told them it had to be the mix, I asked if they could use a different mixer from a fresh bottle, they obliged. I was baffled when I took a sip from drink number three and it was STILL sour. Before I could make another complaint, my head was spinning and I remembered I was late…like five days late! That never happened to me. I guess with everything that was going on, I didn’t even think about it. Mike saw my face turn white and in a very concerned voice asked if I was Ok. I looked at him and said, “I think I’m pregnant”, he was speechless. Right away he asked for the check and we headed straight for CVS.
When we got there, we bought two 2-pack pregnancy tests and some water. I peed on all four sticks…they were all the same. We stood in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes in silence, which made it feel more like 15 hours. Finally, Mike looked at me and asked “What are we going to do?” I very calmly replied, “I’m going to be a mom”. I walked to the patio to take in a deep breath of fresh air. He shortly joined me, and said, “I’m going to be a dad”.
Written by Veronica Diaz