With all of the advice out there on dating that everyone is so willing to give, dating has become quite the mess for a lot of people. We seek out so called experts who claim to know “How to get any guy”, “How to make him fall in love in 3 days” or “The secret to amazing sex and love” etc… And in a society that values instant gratification, these people make a lot of money off of their claims. Sure, they’ve probably experienced that their advice worked “miracles” for them but every single one of us is so different and we all know that what works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next.
One concept that I take to heart with my writing is that words do not teach but they can inspire. I write about dating and relationships but I cannot teach you how to date or how to have a loving relationship. I can tell you what I’ve learned from my personal experiences with words in a way that can inspire you to come in touch with yourself and learn what works for you personally but what works for me will never work the same for anyone else so it’s pointless to think that I can teach you how to love. There’s only one rule that you should always follow when it comes to dating and relationships. It’s a simple rule that I promise you already know but because we’ve turned dating and relationships into such a complex thing and we’ve taught ourselves to feel unworthy of love, this simple rule is overlooked quite a bit. I’m going to remind you of it and if you can hold onto it and trust it, your love life will become much more enjoyable.
A few years ago I started following this dating coach religiously because I thought I needed help from an expert. I just felt like I wasn’t having any luck and that I was completely lost. This woman taught that you should let a man lead in dating and relationships, to never ever initiate contact, to work on yourself and to act like a “prize”. I became what all her clients strived to become. I quit initiating any contact with men and I sat back and acted like a high and mighty queen that was a prize to any man. It actually worked for a while because it was a new and exciting concept for me but then a shift took place and it no longer worked. I had become someone I wasn’t and this caused me to become so insecure. I was trying to act like this dating coach and it was so unnatural. It caused me to isolate myself anymore because the insecurity that I felt left me too scared to let any man in. I was acting like I was too happy and too perfect for any of them when what I was really doing was denying what truly makes me happy.
That’s when I realized that the only rule that you ever need to follow in dating and relationships is to always ALWAYS do what makes you happy. That’s it, just follow happiness. It doesn’t have to be logical, it doesn’t have to be accepted by anyone else and it’s okay if it seems a little scary. All that matters is that what you are doing makes you feel good emotionally. We were blessed with our emotions for a reason. They are our no fail guidance system that reveals who we really are but you have to trust them.
I literally decided one day that I would no longer follow dating coaches. I quit receiving her emails, quit following her on FB and I decided to trust myself and not seek advice from anyone else about love ever again. Because how am I going to find a love that is fulfilling to me by trying to apply what is fulfilling to others? There is no one else in this whole universe that is exactly like you and there is no one else who can give you better guidance in love than yourself. I think the problem with most of us is that we are our own worst critics and because of this, we don’t trust ourselves. I know that I didn’t always trust myself but it took a leap of blind faith and I’ll never look back.
In dating and relationships, before I act on something, I ask myself am I doing this out of a place of confidence and happiness or a place of insecurity? For example, I don’t usually ask guys out first but I remember one night there was a band playing that I really wanted to see and I wanted to see it with a specific man. So I explored how asking him out would make me feel and how not asking him would make me feel. Asking him made me feel excited, happy and thinking about it made me smile so I did it! We went and I had one of the best nights of my life. Just ask yourself before you act on anything how doing so will make you feel. If exploring taking the action in question naturally makes you feel good then this is an indication that you are doing it out of a place of happiness and security. It’s a reflection of who you are and you should do it. If taking the action naturally makes you feel uneasy, then this is an indication that you want to do it out of insecurity and you should explore the “why” more. Perhaps you want to call him because you haven’t heard from him for a while and this makes you feel insecure. But in the end, is calling him really going to fill a void in you? No. Exploring why this makes you insecure and filling your own void is what will bring you back to a place of security.
You are a source of incredible wisdom that lies deep inside of you. Believe it or not, you have the answers that you seek and the way to them is to follow your emotions. Trust your emotions and take the time to come in touch with yourself and stay in touch with yourself. You don’t need to drop hundreds of dollars to employ someone else to teach you how to fall in love. You just need to trust yourself to fall in love. You are good enough and wise enough to know that love is not defined to a universal set of rules. There are no rules and there is no logic when it comes to love. There are emotions and endless possibilities. Love is everything that feels good and nothing that feels bad.