As you’re probably already aware, relationships go through periods of stability, periods of instability, times of bliss, and times of drama. Sometimes you wonder why you ever got together with this person, and sometimes you feel the happiness of new love all over again! No matter what phase you’re going through right now, I want us to start talking about getting ready for spring, as it’s the time for light and renewal, refreshing things, and deciding on new directions! Let’s get started with a checklist to help you assess.
Relationships between romantic partners have three components: ME, THEM, and WE.
Component 1: ME (that would be YOU.)
What do I always say? Great Relationships Begin Within. You cannot begin to think about WE without thinking about YOU first. Get your own house in order for the best results!
How is your relationship with your body?
Do you listen to what your body tells you? Do you fill it with the right foods, and exercise it regularly? Do you keep your weight at a healthy level? Do you see a doctor when necessary?
How is your relationship with your mind?
Are you happy, depressed, anxious, somewhere in between? Do you need to go back to therapy? If you’re on medication, are you diligent about taking it regularly?
How is your relationship with your sexuality?
Do you feel good about yourself sexually? Do you like sex? Do you want more sex, or less sex? Do you need to get past some unresolved issues?
How is your relationship with daily life?
Can you pay your bills? Do you have a career and goals? Do you need to complete your education? How is your credit rating? Do you have a home or a stable place to live?
What are you here for?
Are you clear on your purpose? What are your values and principles? What are your passions? How often do you devote yourself to serving others?
Do you feel worthy?
How is your self esteem, on a scale of one to ten? What would your past partners say about you, both good and bad? Do you feel those are well-deserved assessments?
How is your daily practice going?
Do you make time everyday for some sort of spiritual practice – yoga, therapy, meditation, self-inquiry? My preference is my SHOMI® method, which focuses on the body for self-inquiry.
Yes, this seems like a long list to have to think about, but in comparison, think about the list you use to screen your potential partners! This brings up a good point: a lot of us can make an endless list when it comes to talking about what we expect from a partner, but what is it we bring to the table? Have a look inward first, and then you’ll start finding it easier to manifest the following two components!
Component 2: THEM.
(By “them” I’m referring to the person you’re with now, or maybe the person you want to be with soon – modify the questions to suit your particular situation.)
What do you want?
Define the person you want, in general terms. Don’t back down from what you really want or modify it if you think you’d never be able to find someone like that. If you find yourself believing you are not worthy of the person you want, go back to Component 1!
Make your list.
What are your likes and dislikes? List both your non-negotiables and your preferences. What would this person’s personality, interests, and sense of humor be like? What would their spiritual life be like? What would their values be?
A lot of the trouble we have moving forward with relationships stems from not being able to forgive ourselves or others for past betrayals and hurt. You know if this is the position you’re in; if you need to forgive, do it.
Clear away baggage from the past.
Get square with your past relationships. Make amends, pay your debts, and collect the things that are owed to you (like your POWER!).
Component 3: WE.
(This is the part where you talk about the things you do and decide on as a couple, as a partnership setting up the foundationsfor a healthy relationship.)
Have you gone through the sufficient effort and time to make sure this person is who they say they are?
Making a relationship plan:
Do you have a relationship toolbelt, the skills and tools that will assist you in having a healthy and sustainable partnership?
How much responsibility are you willing to take for your own happiness?
How responsible are you in communication?
Do you try too hard to control things? Are you good at negotiating through difficult issues? Do you blame or take the blame too often?
Do you trust and respect each other?
If not, why?
Do you understand “for better or for worse”?
Are you committed to each other under any circumstances, even if those included illness, miscarriage, unemployment, loss of libido, or physical deterioration?
Where’s your line in the sand? Under what circumstances would you leave? Better to be honest about it now.
Article by Maryanne Comaroto