Waiting is my least favorite concept in life. Sometimes waiting feels like torture; because while I’m waiting I have to trust that waiting is what I am supposed to be doing. It just feels like a waste of time – why do I have to wait?
The greatest learning experience came from a waiting time while transitioning from my divorce. My world was falling apart and I wanted to fix it and fix it now! In my anxious state all I knew to do was pray, but I always got the same answer “there is a bigger picture that you cannot see, wait and trust”.
That brought little comfort, I still felt anxious and afraid.
While identifying my emotions I recognized I was experiencing the fear of failure. Coming from a successful family with good marriages, I felt like the black sheep. I have a standard to live up to; people are watching me and if I fail I will be a loser! I decided to face the fear of failure straight on and imagine both sides of the coin success/failure.
I visualized what it would be like to succeed, and then I visualized what I be like to fail. The truth is that failure would not destroy me and if I did fail I would just move on and do something different. My loving family wouldn’t be as bothered as much I would. So in reality everything would be OK in the end. I remembered the acronym for FEAR: false-evidence-appearing-real. My fear felt real at the time but in reality it was just me projecting negativity into my future. It wasn’t real today, so why I’m I so worried?
While facing the fear I was able to allow my vision of success to overpower the fear of failure. I realized that taking a risk and stepping out made me feel scared and excited, but was far better than taking no risk at all.
Now I see waiting as a vital time of introspection to discover what is inside of me. Not torture but a tool that empowers me to evidently move forward to the future I desire.
Written by Renee Blankenship
Hello Caroline,
Sorry for the delay! I just saw your post. As you know being a single mom life is full and there is not much time for extras. I feel your pain. I was the exact same way. I found help through al-anon. It’s a support group for friends and family of alcoholics/addicts. I have been actively involved for almost 5 years and now have tools that keep me sane. The principles I write about I have learned there. Just google al-anon and you will find a group near you. Its worldwide and free! Email me anytime for emotional support. We make it through together. Isolation only keeps us stuck. Thanks for responding to the article. It was great hearing from you!