Waiting

WaitingWaiting is my least favorite concept in life.  Sometimes waiting feels like torture; because while I’m waiting I have to trust that waiting is what I am supposed to be doing.  It just feels like a waste of time – why do I have to wait?

The greatest learning experience came from a waiting time while transitioning from my divorce.  My world was falling apart and I wanted to fix it and fix it now!  In my anxious state all I knew to do was pray, but I always got the same answer “there is a bigger picture that you cannot see, wait and trust”.

That brought little comfort, I still felt anxious and afraid.

While  identifying my emotions I recognized I was experiencing the fear of failure.  Coming from a successful family with good marriages, I felt like the black sheep.  I have a standard to live up to; people are watching me and if I fail I will be a loser!  I decided to face the fear of failure straight on and imagine both sides of the coin success/failure.

I visualized what it would be like to succeed, and then I visualized what I be like to fail.  The truth is that failure would not destroy me and if I did fail I would just move on and do something different.  My loving family wouldn’t be as bothered as much I would.  So in reality everything would be OK in the end.  I remembered the acronym for FEAR: false-evidence-appearing-real.  My fear felt real at the time but in reality it was just me projecting negativity into my future.  It wasn’t real today, so why I’m I so worried?

While facing the fear I was able to allow my vision of success to overpower the fear of failure. I realized that taking a risk and stepping out made me feel scared and excited, but was far better than taking no risk at all.

Now I see waiting as a vital time of introspection to discover what is inside of me.  Not torture but a tool that empowers me to evidently move forward to the future I desire.

Written by Renee Blankenship

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  1. Dr. Nichole says

    To ALL single mothers… As a woman who believes that God can and does do the impossible, I applaud each of you. I am a Domestic Violence and Abuse SURVIVOR who was married to a secretly abusive Police Officer… After years of abuse, I chose to take the law into my own hands and attempt to gwet “proof” that he was cheating from a card that he put in his police car for another woman around Valentines Day. That night he allowed his police crew to take me away (even from my children) in handcuffs. He never came for me nor made my bail. I spent one night in a cell and died that night form within, only to live FREE FROM such a monsterous spirited individual. My older kids are college graduates and my other wonderful blessing will be soon to come. I am now in school finishing up my degrees one at a time. In the next few years I will be DR. Nichole. I did it with the help of The Lord and so did my kids and YOU CAN SUCCEED IN SELf, FAMILY, EDUCATION, CAREER AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… LIFE. LIVE ALL YOUR DREAMS LADIES… AND FORGIVE EVERYONE AND HEAL-HEAL-HEAL TO LIVE A HEALTHY LIFE FOR YOU AND THEN YOUR KIDS. I AM SO PROUD OF EACH OF US FOR THE MIRACULOUS STRENGTH THAT WE LIVE IN. Keep up the great work!!! I am here for you and YES we ALL will continue to make it to our own great success and help each other to do the same.

    Love you,

    Dr. Nichole :)

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