Think back on all of the relationships you’ve been in; whether they were “just dating” or some kind of serious. Isn’t it funny how there seems to be a very common theme in them? Just recently I was thinking back to all the men I’ve dated since my divorce and they all seem to have disappeared the same exact way. At first things were exciting and wonderful and they were pursuing me all the way to the point of wanting an exclusive relationship with me. They would tell me that they’ve never met anyone like me, that they only wanted to be with me or some other similar line. I would buy it and agree that the feeling was mutual and as soon as “just dating” became exclusive, they’d change their mind! Without any notice they’d either disappear or want to be friends! I would be left frustrated, confused and disappointed.
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why my relationships with men always ended up like this and it wasn’t until recently that I figured it out. You see, the most important thing here that I haven’t told you yet is that in every one of my past relationships when things would get serious, I became very nervous and torn in different directions. I wanted to fall in love, to be with just one person but something inside me was feeling unease and I fought with this. For the most part I would settle this unease by reasoning that it was okay to not understand my fear and take a chance but by this point, it was usually too late and Mr. almost Right became Mr. Wrong. So what have I learned?
You are responsible for the men you are attracting. This sounds harsh but it’s empowering because if you’re the one who is responsible for the men you are attracting then you can change the kind of men you are attracting. It may not seem like it but no one knows you better than yourself and you have to trust yourself to know when you’re happy with a man and when you’re not. You have to trust yourself to know when you’re comfortable with taking another step with a man and when you’re not. And most importantly, you have to trust yourself that you have everything you need to be happy. Man or no man, you are responsible for your own happiness.
Your relationships reflect how you feel. Looking back on my relationships, it’s easy to see that every one of these men were afraid of commitment. Yeah, you hear all the time that men are afraid of commitment and people bash them for it but I think women are as equally afraid. We just aren’t as honest about it. There was always that one critical point in my relationships where things would knowingly become serious and that was always the turning point where I would begin to feel uneasy or better said, I would become afraid and this fear would be reflected back to me by the man I was with. It’s not that things couldn’t have become serious but the fears we both had were only fueled by feeling the others and the relationship came to an end before they could really even begin.
Be what you want to attract. Ever heard the saying “like attracts unto like”? This holds very true in relationships. If you are insecure, you will attract insecure people. If you are fearful, you will attract fearful men. If you are happy, you will attract happy men. If you are confident and passionate, you will attract this. Your dominant feelings are felt by others and the ones who can relate to these feelings are attracted to you because they are inspired by this. Like for me, I’m a very emotionally deep and sensitive person so when a man who is emotionally deep and can authentically carry on an emotionally deep conversation with me, I’m inspired by this because I can relate to it and I find myself wanting to be around him more.
To know this is true, all you have to do is look back at past relationships and I guarantee you’ll recognize a common theme. Were the men un trusting, liars, insecure? You attracted them because there was a dominant feeling you had or have about yourself that they related to. But don’t spend too much time analyzing this because you’ll only get confused and frustrated. Just recognize it for what it is so that you can fix it and start attracting the men you want to attract.
What do you want to attract? Men who are happy? Confident? Fun? Unconditionally loving? You have to become what you want to attract. Be more confident in yourself, focus on the things that make you happy, have more fun in your life and make this your dominant intention to start inspiring what it is you want to attract in a man in yourself. Want to learn how to attract what you want? My next article which will be out tomorrow will be about just that. It’s easy to do if you are willing to want it enough and I will give you the same process that I did to attract what I want in a man.
Be patient. Once you have recognized what you’ve been attracting and you recognize how that relates to how you feel within yourself and once you’ve recognized what it is that you want to attract…well the hardest part is out of the way. Because now you can start the journey to attracting exactly what you want but the key to a successful journey is to be patient. We all want to fall in love and the idea of falling in love is so exciting but it’s my promise to you that the most meaningful part of all of this is the journey to finding him or better yet, letting him come to you because the journey is where you really dig in and learn more about you and how amazing you are. I learned that my fear lied in my lack of self-worth. I didn’t feel worthy and whenever the possibility of a man falling in love with me became real, I freaked and started looking for flaws in him…because who in their right mind could fall in love with me! But once I recognized this fear, I began my journey by pointing out all the beauty I possess and reasons to feel worthy. I began to establish a deep sense of self-worth and through some daily techniques and commitment to me, my fear (although sometimes still felt) will never hold power over my ability to attract a man I will love.
You are worth having the exact kind of love you want with a man but first you must love yourself the way you want him to love you. Make this commitment to yourself because you are worth it. Tomorrow I will teach you how to attract what you want in a man through some easy techniques that I practice myself. But first, I want you to commit to some quiet time tonight and think about your past relationships and the common characteristics they shared. Was there fear? Trust issues? Insecurities? Lack of freedom? How do these characteristics relate to how you feel about yourself? Write the common feelings you had about each relationship down on a piece of paper and tomorrow we’ll go over them and I’ll teach you how to change them so that you can start attracting the man you want.