If you can create a desire in your heart then you’re worthy of it. In my article, Your Fears Become Desires. First Step to Finding Love, I wrote about how to transform your fears into power. You recognize your fears and insecurities through your feelings, you acknowledge them and you pull out your desires from that acknowledgement. Now that you’ve started to realize what your true desires are, what do your desires mean to you? And how are they linked to our self-worth? Do you truly believe that you are worthy enough to have anything you want? Well you are! You exist and that’s enough to tell you that you’re worthy of awesome love.
One thing I’ve come to realize is that the love we desire is a reflection of the love that we are. Sometimes we meet someone who has a quality that we absolutely love and although it seems like something we’ve never experienced, there’s a familiarity about that quality in another person. Have you ever felt that? That’s because you also possess that quality and the reason you love it in the other person so much is because it’s also a part of you. You just aren’t aware enough to realize that truth.
A lot of you don’t spend enough time being actively aware of how you are feeling so let’s try a little exercise to draw out your most meaningful desires in a partner. I’ve used this myself several times and it’s helped me to define my most desirable relationship. Once you know what you want, you’re that much closer to getting it!
So you’ve spent some time after reading my last article about realizing your fears when it comes to love. And I told you how to turn those fears into recognizing your desires. Desires are a coin with opposite sides. Your fear side and your desire side and now that you know your fear side; you know your desire side such as..
Fear of dishonesty/ desire for someone you can trust
Fear of not being good enough/ feeling so worthy of love that no one can bring you down
Fear of being too old/ believing age doesn’t matter
Now, write down four desires that you have identified when it comes to having a desirable relationship. Once you’ve done this, I want you to find somewhere comfortable and quiet and do this when you’re not feeling rushed because if you do it when you’re not relaxed, it won’t work. Now I want you to close your eyes, take a few deep slow breaths counting to 3 on inhalation and exhalation and let all thoughts fall away. Imagine your first desire that you wrote down. Imagine being with someone who fulfills this desire. Remember to feel it more than picturing it. The feeling is what matters. What does it feel like? For example, my desire is to have someone who is affectionate and when I imagine this, I imagine feeling him pulling me in and kissing me on the head. I let this feeling sink in and I allow myself to indulge in it so much that it almost seems real. Spend a few minutes doing this with every desire you’ve written down. Allow yourself more time on the ones that feel extra good. The more amazing they feel, the more time you should spend on them. Keep your list and practice this every day if you can. Also, you can add more desires as you go because you are always growing and changing and so are your desires.
So what do your desires mean and how are they linked to your amazing worth? Such a simple answer that is overlooked way too often because we don’t believe in our worth. We’re raised to believe we have to prove our worth but that is so backwards. You were born from love and you were and will always be worthy of love and nothing less.
Your desires exist because they’re already a part of you. They are you and that’s why they’re so important to you. There’s not a single idea or thing that has come to exist without at the very least the essence of it already existing. You want someone trustworthy because you are trustworthy. You want someone who is passionate about life because you are passionate about life. You want someone spontaneous and fun because you are spontaneous and fun and you’re just waiting for someone to come along and dare you to drop everything and hop aboard a plane to another country for a week! You can’t know you want something without already having felt that something. You’ve known it, felt it, tasted it and it stirred a deep desire in you. You want to find it in someone else not to ever fill a void but to inspire what already exists in you!
Realizing that I already had what I desire inside of me was an amazing discovery! For so long I felt I needed to find someone who possessed all I desire to fill a void and that kept me wanting to find love out of fear. But when I realized that all my desires already exist within me, I began to look for love out of love. I no longer needed to find someone; I wanted to find someone to inspire the love that is already inside of me. You see, when we feel bad about not having our desires, it’s because we’re suppressing that very desire within us. You already have it! How can you feel bad about not having something you’ve never had?! You desire someone who is romantic then start exercising the romantic side of you. Buy yourself flowers, dress the part or indulge in a nightly ritual involving a glass of wine and visualizing the most beautiful date. I love dominant tough guys who like to be protective so what did I do? I started taking martial arts and learning how to fight. I started empowering this desire within me and now I’m having so much fun seeing how far I can expand this desire within myself. The more you recognize and grow your desires within you, the easier it will become to find them in someone else and then the real fun begins!
How do you know that you’re worthy of all you desire in love? Well besides the fact that you are beautiful and amazing, you are worthy of your desires because you already possess them! They are a part of you and within you. You’ve been looking for everything you love on the outside and trying to convince others of your worth when all along you already have it all and you have nothing to prove. Love, like life is only hard if you make it that way. You are worthy of love and you already have it. It starts within and grows out when you nurture it.
Stay tuned for my next article about using your desires to love yourself and why this is important when it comes to finding an amazing relationship.