You know that connection people are always talking about when it comes to dating and relationships? Maybe you’ve even felt it before and if so, how did you get there? How do others find that connection? How do you experience that blissful and completely unforgettable connection with someone?
For such a long time, I was avoiding any possible connection with men and I didn’t even realize it. I had it engrained in my head as many women do that a man had to earn my time. I wasn’t going to let down my walls for just anyone and let’s not forget the whole single mom thing. I mean that calls for extra work on his part, right? He’s got to be a hell of a guy to earn his way into our lives let alone our kids. He has to pursue us until we’re totally convinced that he is into us, right? Wrong! All wrong!
There was this guy in one of my classes and I noticed him from day one. We started going out and had such a great time together. I really liked him a lot but when we were in class, I would act as though I didn’t even know he was there. I didn’t want him to see that I was into him for fear of seeming too easy to win over but I wanted him to pursue me. So even though I could tell he was passing glances my way in class, I made sure he never caught me looking at him. Actually, I wouldn’t even look at him! I pretty much let him do all the reaching out and making plans with me but there were so many times I wanted to call him or go up to him in class just to talk. I loved having conversations with him but NO NO NO! I just couldn’t let him see how much I really liked him. Well, I noticed that as time went by I started to hear from him less and less. I realized this had been quite the common pattern in my love life. Things would be on fire at the beginning and quickly fade away.
Then I had a serious lightbulb moment! It’s not that this guy wasn’t interested in me and actually quite the opposite because he really liked me too but the problem was that I wasn’t allowing any connection to be built. Of course we would have great times together when we were hanging out but what about all those times that we were in class right next to each other and I wouldn’t even so much as glance his way? Or all the times I really wanted to pick up the phone and call but didn’t out of fear that that’s not what women do? But ladies, the eyes are the windows to your soul and it’s those unexpected glances that are caught completely off guard that can flow the essence of a real and deep connection with him. Think about it! When you’re walking down the street and you make eye contact with someone, what do you do? Most of us look away because that connection can be intimidating.
So I decided to try a little experiment on my own. I decided that for a day, I would make eye contact with any man that I came across and I would smile and even if it was somewhat uncomfortable, I would hold eye contact for at least a few seconds. Well, my little experiment was very insightful. A guy I passed on the way to my class told me I have a beautiful smile, another told me I was beautiful and I even got asked out! By a complete stranger! Unfortunately he was a little too young for my taste. Anyway, I also got quite a few hello’s and hi’s from strangers.
We are taught to not wear our heart on our sleeve and to not trust connections unless they meet our expectations so we keep our hearts hidden behind walls we’ve learned to build from our past. But as long as those walls stay up, you may never get to experience a truly deep and loving connection with a man.
The next day when I walked into class, I smiled at him as soon as I saw him and he came up and started talking to me with pure excitement in his voice. It was so cute I couldn’t stop smiling. We even talked after class and he asked me out again. And all through class, I kept catching him looking at me but this time instead of ignoring him, I returned his look with an appreciative smile. The best part was that I got to feel a connection every time my eyes met his and it was all because I had allowed it. I had let my walls down and I let him know that I noticed him and this made it so much easier for him to connect with me as well.
So let down your guard, glance his way and smile and when he smiles back, feel the connection that may be there. Be playful and when you notice a man looking at you then look back! Smile at men who notice you (excluding the creepy and annoying ones). You’ll start to notice little connections that you make with these men. These connections speak to your feminine side and it’s so much fun. Let them know that you are open to genuine connections and possibilities. The possibilities are endless when you are open to connections and making eye contact is one of the best ways to let the possibilities in.