Without a Home and Hope

Without a Home and Hope I went into labor a three weeks in advance and when I came back from the hospital with a healthy baby girl and after  a normal delivery, I was told by my land lady that my boyfriend had left a note for me. We had decided to get married but the early labor had shelved the plan. The note said that he is sorry and that was the last I heard from him. With no money and a day old baby girl with me, I did not know where I was going to go. The only solace was that I had paid the rent for the coming month and so had the flat to myself for three more weeks.

I often wonder when people talk to me about post partum blues. I had no time for blues or any other color for that matter. I had three weeks in which I had to find a place for my daughter and me. I began by selling off my ‘engagement’ ring. I used the money to buy groceries and a few clothes for my baby girl. From then on it was all downhill.

Adapting to feeding the newborn every two hours, going through the day with hardly any sleep and in the mean time also trying to figure out what I am going to do after a couple of weeks was taking up all my time. Things got so bad that I did not even cook food. I would eat junk out of a box mostly and just have a glass of milk and call it a night. With no one to go to and no money I began to panic. Many I times I contemplate giving up my baby girl for adoption since there was no way I was going to be able to bring her up like this.

With no hope in my heart I made up my mind that I will give my little girl up for adoption. The first times I set foot outside with my girl was a week after her delivery and sadly it was to look at some adoption agencies that could help me find a home for her. Not knowing where to start from I began by going to the hospital where she was delivered and they asked me to wait while someone was organized to talk to me. Instead of waiting in the hospital, I decided to walk down to a church next door simply because I felt there would be less infection there. There was no God in my mind and no hope either. I simply saw the church as a better place to kill an hour as opposed to the hospital.

Today I am a believer. I believe that if you have God in your heart, you also have hope. While I sat in the church crying to myself and feeding my little one, I had a lady walk up to me. She sat with me and we talked. I wanted to pour my heart out and despite the fact that the person I was talking to was a stranger; I simply went on and on. She calmed me down, got me a glass of water and also some muesli bars. She explained to me that there are options for me that the church could organize and this did help me gain some emotional strength.

Once we got talking I realized that the church is working in a big way to help homeless. The fact that I had no one to go to and a child to care for put me on priority and within a weeks’ time I was allotted shelter the Mercy Housing Live-In Hope. The relief that I had a place to stay in and that I was not going to be out in the streets with a three week old baby was tremendous for me. The shelter was everything I needed.

I got that much needed support and dedicated the next one month to caring for my baby girl. Once she was two months old, I applied for daycare support. I found a lot of options on the net to find the right daycare for my baby.

It’s been two years since then. I got myself a job at the grocery store and would go to homes over the weekends to help with the cooking and laundry and cleaning. From here on things began to get better. I saved up money, got out of the shelter, took up a place of my own and even moved to a restaurant as a waitress. Today my baby girl is soon going to be off to play class while I am seriously contemplating getting my degree after all.

Even today when I look back at the time when I had no home to go to and no hope in my heart I shudder with fear. What would have happened if that day the hospital had not asked me to wait? I may have given up my baby girl and that thought alone makes me break out into a sweat. I cannot imagine life without my baby. She was the only force that kept me going in life. I kept fighting for a better life for her and for myself because of her.

I believe God wanted to test me. He showed me the path to hope and gave me the strength to go on. I urge women who may be in a hot spot like me to not give up hope or their babies. Seek out the strength in you since there are always options. Look around and you will find a solution. There are a lot of grants and charities that will help. All you need to do is be prepared to work hard and keep your resolve strong.

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  1. Kelly says

    I need help. I have a one year old son and we are trying to escape my abusive family….but we have no money. I was in college and depended on them…:but what’s most important is getting away from the abuse now.

  2. ashlee says

    I too am in a boat very similar to Christinas. I am 30 years old and currently am pregnant due in Feb. 2015. I have a part time job and have been employed with them going on 9 years now. I also attend my local community college 2 days a week. 5 months ago I lived at home with my brother and mother in a 3 bedroom home. She is on section 8 and due to budget cuts, her voucher was reduced to a 2 bedroom. My brother is only 23, since I was the one working I was oust out. For 5 months I have been sleeping in my car. I have no family or friends to turn to. I have been saving since I have been working and not having to pay rent. But my credit is not very poor. I cannot find anywhere, as I been applying everywhere. I understand there are shelters but I cannot see myself in one because I have big time issues with germs and cleanliness. I do not need help paying for rent, I need help getting a place to rent, I can make rent on my own. I am located in Santa Clara County, San Jose, CA. Please, I am begging everyone at this point, can anyone help?

  3. Christina says

    My name is Christina and I’m a 28 year old single mom of two girls ages 6wks and 2 years. I hit hard times and currently have nowhere to live. I’m currently staying on my aunts living room floor and unfortunately the apt complex told her I have 72 hrs to move or she’ll be evicted. I have a part time job, no transportation and an eviction from 7 years ago on my credit so I’m constantly denied for housing, even HUD assistance. I have no family or anyone to help. If someone could help me or point me in the right direction of a place or person that can til I can get on my feet, PLEASE PLEASE let me know, I’m located in Morrow, Ga.

  4. Mrs. Jones says

    this too is my story. it hurts to see so many people going through this. I am in memphis, with an eviction on my report and no one will except me. I go to school everyday as well and have two children. with thirty days to find a home. my family will help me pay for the place but I need someone to accept me with that eviction. someone point me in the right direction!!! please!!

  5. Brandie says

    My son and i are looking for a house. We have thirty days to move. I live in indianapolis. We have black mold in the house and must move. the board of health notifed the landlord. The landlord is giving us 30 days to get out. The landlord is only giving me some of my deposit back 650.00. unfortanly we just moved in last month. I go to school during the day for medical assistant and work nights. if anyone can help please. our problem is we dont have much to move with. 650 does not go far for a deposit on another home.

  6. eleis says

    My name is eleis i have a 3 year old son and im currently in chula vista ca. i am 28 single mother . i am in college at california college of nationaly city studying to be a nurse. i am on welfare and food stamps and i am looking for a home for me and my son that i can pay with my welfare. if anyone as any leads of rooms for rent or programs that puts single mothers in apartments please let me know . 619.495.7944…. thank you

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