Have you ever been with a guy who one week was declaring that you’re his girlfriend to the world and how lucky he is and then the next week you hear from him maybe once and you’re wondering what the hell happened?! Yeah, well that happened to me…but it only took two times for me to decide enough is enough. I’m a single mother who is in charge of running not only mine but the lives of two others and the last thing that I have patience for is a boy trying to take on a woman meant for a real man. Words are weak and if he can’t back them up then don’t let him waste your time. No exceptions. Because there are billions of other men out there and plenty who’d be happy to give you the appreciation you deserve.
Short story. I was with a guy for a while that I absolutely adored and loved and he knew it but what he didn’t know is that I ALWAYS put me first. Well after some back and forth over a period of about a year he decided that he was in love with me (even told me) and wanted to be exclusive. I was so happy and on cloud nine but just as quickly as the words “I love you” and “exclusive” came out of his mouth, he went on a hiatus for about a month. Sure, he called a few times a week for some small chit chat and probably to make sure he still had me in his grips but I didn’t see him once during that month. Boyfriend behavior? Not by my standards! See for me to be someone’s girlfriend, I have to feel it. I have to be left with no doubts of where I stand with him. The naïve insecure woman that I used to be would’ve called him and told him how much I missed him and maybe even told him he’s a jerk. Instead I decided to go with how I felt and since I didn’t feel like his girlfriend, I wasn’t. I even eventually started dating again and I didn’t feel the need to tell him at all because again, words are weak. How you feel is your best guide in life. Your feelings are clarity about what you need and want and your needs and desires come first ladies! So…he eventually called me and criticized me for seeing someone else and I let him get it out of his system before telling him that if he cared so much he should’ve acted a long time ago. We verbally ended things and I never looked back on that day in regret.
Don’t settle. So many women settle for less than what they want. They accept the obnoxious, disrespectful and selfish behaviors of their “boyfriend” by making excuses for him such as he doesn’t know what he wants, he’s really a genuinely good guy but… or he’s just going through a hard time. Fine! Great! We all can be assholes sometimes but what makes the difference is if the behavior is consistent or not. Are you always making excuses for him? If so, you need to ask yourself two questions. First, what is it that you want in a relationship? I mean when you think of your dream man what does he look like, act like, kiss and hug like? Because whatever gets your heart racing and your feet running on cloud nine is exactly what you deserve. But if you keep making excuses for him or settling for less you’ll never land your dream guy. You are the only one who can open your heart to your unique desires in love. And two, are you hoping that he’ll change for you? I’m not trying to sound mean but a lot of women are very ignorant to the fact that no one will ever change for someone else. It doesn’t matter if he loves you to the moon and back, the only person he can change for is himself. This means that it doesn’t matter what you try to do for him, he’s not going to change for you. But you can do something for yourself. You can choose your happiness. You can choose your desires. You can change what you’re doing to put yourself first and if he truly appreciates you, your self-love will inspire him to step up. And if it doesn’t, well you can rest knowing that better relationships are waiting.
Boyfriend behavior. A guy can call you his girlfriend, swear up and down that you’re the one he’s been looking for and tell everyone that you’re taken by him but his words mean nothing if his behavior isn’t backing them up. This is the difference between boys and men when it comes to love. Boys talk more than they act. Men have the confidence to act on their words and they only ever say what they mean. Boys will leave you feeling on top of the world and completely in love one day and wondering where you stand with him the next. Experienced “boys” will know how to study you so that they can learn the words that’ll keep you in their reach and out of anyone else’s. They always know what to say and when to say it to reassure you but their actions are lazy or nonexistent. A man will never leave you wondering where you stand in his heart. Even if you don’t hear from him for a day or even a month, you’re smiling from ear to ear when you think about him because he not only knows what to say but he behaves in a way that is meant just for you. He leaves you flooded with appreciation and love. It’s all in how you feel! A boy will be sitting right next to you and be glued to his phone because he’s more concerned with who likes his latest Facebook post than paying attention to you. A man will appreciate every moment he has with you and leave you unable to focus on anything else except how loved you feel in his presence. Even on bad days, a man will know how to make you feel like his girlfriend.
Listen to your feelings, not his words. Like I stated above, I don’t care if he calls you his girlfriend or not, if he’s not treating you like his girlfriend then you’re not his girlfriend. No exceptions! So how do you know if he’s treating you like his girlfriend? It’s all in how you feel. Don’t be afraid of your feelings because they will always tell you the truth and you are so worthy of the truth. When you think of him you should feel warm, inspired, loved, appreciated and blessed. Even if you’re angry at him you should still feel gratitude for having him in your life. Ladies! (And men) you deserve to feel this so if you’re not remember the points from earlier in this article. First, you are the only one who stands in between you and your desirable relationship. Second, you cannot change any guy’s behavior. He has to want to change for himself but you can inspire him by putting yourself first so don’t be afraid to walk away if it’s your happiness you’re preserving. Third, words are weak unless they’re backed up with action so if he’s telling you he wants to spend time with you then he’d better be spending time with you. Four, there are billions of men out there to experience so never settle for less than amazing. Lastly, men know how to treat you like their girlfriend so if he’s not treating you like his girlfriend or more importantly making you feel appreciated, then I don’t care what his excuse is, you aren’t truly his girlfriend.
You are the only one responsible for your happiness and although your worth is limitless you are the only one who can determine your worth in a relationship so feel your worth! Treat yourself with the utmost respect and unconditional love and if he can’t come up to your level, find someone who can. Not only will you find confidence from loving yourself enough to move on from a situation that doesn’t inspire you but you’ll inspire others by your example.