You Know You’re a Mom When…

Love my momThis fun page is for all of the mothers of the world who lovingly try to teach their kids some of life’s most important lessons.

  • You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
  • You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
  • You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
  • You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
  • You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
  • You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
  • You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”
  • You are out for a nice dining with your friends, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up their steaks!
  • Your feet stick to the kitchen floor…..and you don’t care.
  • When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding.
  • You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
  • You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
  • Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
  • Popsicles become a food staple.
  • Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
  • Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
  • You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of where it is. Your baby’s pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because you’re too busy to wash it off.
  • Your kids make jokes about farting, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it’s funny.
  • You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
  • Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
  • You’re up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet…you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
  • In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
  • You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
  • The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars
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