To find true love you first have to know what it is that you want. For the most part you probably do know what you want but the only way to truly know, as I’ve learned, is to face your fears and insecurities. They are the key to unlocking your deepest desires but most people try to run from them or change them before facing them.
First of all, how is it that our fears and insecurities can be linked to our desires? We have fears because we feel there is something we have to lose or if we gain something, we fear we’ll lose it. Such as love. So many avoid relationships all together because they’re so afraid that if they fall in love, they could lose it. But why are they so afraid? People will tell you that the pain just isn’t worth it but what they really want more than anything is to fall in love. That’s why they are so afraid and this is how your fear is linked to your deepest desires. Because when it comes to desires, there are two sides. One is what you want and the happiness that comes with having it and the other is the fear of losing it or not having it.
Insecurity is just another word for fear. Insecurity is a fear you keep hidden so that no one can see the truth but the truth is what you really desire. Such as someone who is insecure about their weight. What they really want is to be accepted and happy with their weight but they hide all that away because they don’t believe they can have it.
This is why I say your fears and insecurities can be your best friend! Because on the other side of them is what you really want! And the moment you face them is the moment you begin to have what you really want. The moment that you decide to take your fears and insecurities and explore their true meaning is the moment you begin your journey to finding the real, once in a lifetime and forever kind of love that you desire. So let’s get to it!
How do you uncover these fears and insecurities? You have to catch them in action and you do this by paying attention to your feelings. Any time you feel bad, stop and ask yourself why. Situations come along that stir our fears and insecurities every day but so often we run away from them as soon as we can. Not anymore! The next time a situation makes you feel any less than content, stop and give yourself some time to ask yourself why you don’t feel good at that moment. If you’re short on time, write it down or memo it in your cell phone so you can come back to it later. This is the first step to uncovering your fear. Your feelings are guidance to what’s going on inside of you and when it’s fear or insecurity, you won’t feel good. Once you’ve figured out why it is that you don’t feel good, you’re now aware of something you want to change. For example if you feel afraid of telling someone how you feel, you’re now aware that what you really want is to feel confident enough to tell them how you feel. You want to tell them how you feel but you can’t because your fear is in the way. Don’t try to get around it. Instead, embrace that fear and transform it into power.
Fear is a two sided coin. The most important side is the one that holds your desire, whatever it may be. Flip that coin and start looking at the side that holds your desire. Feel it, imagine it and daydream about it! What would it feel like to finally tell that person from above how you really feel? What would it feel like to have them accept how you feel and to have that weight off of your shoulders? What would it look like to have your dream body? Or even better, to love your body and not feel bad about it? We spend too much time letting the fear side of the coin control us because we don’t see our true worth. But once you know what your true worth is, you know that you can have and deserve anything. You can have your hearts deepest desires. But you have to start believing in your desires first. You can do this by simply thinking about them. Our thoughts bring on feelings so start thinking about your desires and not your fears. Imagine if your desire was in the palm of your hand right now and detail it as much as possible. Daydream and feel it! What do you have to lose by indulging in your imagination a little? Journal your feelings and thoughts that come from doing this so that you can re visit the essence of your desires whenever you want. Use your journal as a tool.
Write down your desires too and re visit them daily. Let’s say you’re afraid of being with someone because you have a child and don’t want someone coming into your child’s life only to leave. That’s the fear side but what about the desire side of the coin? What would it look and feel like if you fell deeply in love with someone with whom your child loved too and that someone loved your child so much and so deeply that your fear of them leaving vanished? Would that person spend the day in the park with you and your child and then help you tuck them in at night before cuddling up on the couch for some alone time with you? Would they help your child with homework and praise them when they solve a problem? How does that feel in your heart to imagine that? If it feels good then that’s because you’ve hit on a deep desire. Do you see how that fear was transformed into a powerful desire?
Once you know what your desires are in love, start spending time every day imagining having them. Spend so much time imagining them that you start to believe in them. You’ll know when you start believing in them because it’ll feel like energy to you. You’ll feel inspired to start opening up in ways you never have and so begins the end of your fear and the start of having your desire. Next we’ll discuss exploring your desires and what they mean to you. For now just work on becoming aware of your fears and insecurities by paying attention to how you feel and journaling your thoughts and feelings when you feel bad emotionally, thinking about what is on the opposite side of that fear in terms of desire and imagining having that desire and journaling what thoughts and feelings come from this.
Falling in love is one of the strongest feelings we can experience and that’s why there’s so much fear around it but you have this one life and you have to decide if you’re going to miss out on love because of fear or if you’re going to give yourself the chance to experience the amazing journey of falling in love.