Questions That You Need To Ask Him…A.S.A.P.
When it comes to dating, there are many deal breakers. Especially when you’re a single mom dating! In a perfect world, you would date someone, fall in love, get married, buy a house and then have kids but our world is far from perfect! So to accommodate our imperfect world there are things we as single mothers have to take into consideration when dating. To be more specific, there are questions that need to be asked of a potential significant other right from the start.
Of course everyone has their own deal breakers and as far as I’m concerned, everything in life is negotiable but these are the questions that need to be asked because the answer given could have the potential to create some serious obstacles for your relationship in the future. Here they are…
- Do you want kids in the future? This may seem like a very aggressive and personal question but I think it’s an absolute must if you have your heart set on one way or another. I’m not saying you have to ask this on the very first date but this is a question that should be asked as soon as you realize he has potential to be in your future.
Let’s say that you absolutely do not want any more kids but he has none and has his heart set on having 4 or 5 at least! Wouldn’t you save a lot of time and trouble by asking about and discussing things in the beginning? You need to know where each other stands on this subject and if you’re indifferent, whether or not you can work around it.
- Where do you want to be in five years? It’s hard to know what someone’s goals are without asking. He could show up on your doorstep dressed for success and holding the most beautiful flowers and little do you know, he still lives with his mom and has no goals beyond becoming the manager at the local gas station! Now if he is the manager at the local gas station but has real goals that he’s passionate about, then that’s different.
You need to know if this guy is passionate about his life and future and if he is ambitious, responsible and mature. Otherwise, he may end up moving out of his mom’s basement and into yours.
Another possibility is what if he plans on moving far away? If you’re like me, you have to take into consideration the location of your kid’s father. Mine lives 10 minutes away and I could never move my children away from their father. So for me, no matter how much I like someone, if he plans on moving away, that’s a deal breaker.
- Are you okay with the fact that I have kids? This is another one that I wouldn’t ask right away. I always wait a few dates because let’s face it; there are a lot of creeps that will take advantage of a single mother to get to her kids. I want to know that the man I’m dating is dating me because he has a genuine interest in me and he’s not some creepy pedophile. Having said that, this is very important to ask of him because as I’ve learned from experience, there are a lot of men who want nothing to do with dating a single mom. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you but if he doesn’t want to date you because you have kids, then do you really want to waste time trying to convince him otherwise?
For me, my kids are the most wonderful and amazing thing that has ever happened to me and they have turned me into a woman that I respect and am proud of. I want someone who can appreciate this. I want someone who can love me not only for the woman that I am but the mother that I am and if they look at it as a relationship handicap from the beginning, then I’m out.
Dating for a single mom is a lot more tedious than for a single woman with no kids but that doesn’t mean it should be any less fun. Every woman, kids or no kids deserves to not only be with someone but to be with someone who will respect and cherish the things that make her happy. So don’t be shy about asking the questions that will give you the insight you need to see if he could be the one. He’ll respect your honesty and directness.
What are some deal breakers for you? Share below in the comments!