So I wanted to write a piece about my Ma. The thing about being close to a writer is that it’s almost a given that at some point YOU will be written ABOUT. Awkward! Haha. But I try my best to write about others with the dignity, grace, and respect that I myself would like to be penned with.
My mom raised/continues to “raise” 3 daughters. We’re all adults now, but her “job” has never stopped. Motherhood doesn’t quit. As a matter of fact, in many ways, it gets harder as the years pass. Maybe particularly for a mom of three grown FEMALES .. ouch : )
Like EVERY ‘child’ (even us grown ones), I have not always APPRECIATED my mom. I have not always given her the creds she deserves for being who she is.
And the answer to WHY, is simple, really. & Stupid, if I’m to be honest about my own lack of maturity & forgiveness, which I am fully willing to do, it’s because we are DIFFERENT. To quote one of my favorite poems, entitled ‘On Children’ .. “They come through you but not from you.” I came here THROUGH her, as my own children did THROUGH me. And God knows they too are THEMSELVES.
Sometimes maybe we hoped for parents more SIMILAR to ourselves. But, what would we LEARN then? We already know that stuff.
My mom doesn’t like to ruffle feathers.
I’ve been known to pluck them one by one.
My mom has never smoked or drank.
ME NEITHER! (Haha!)
My mom is slow to anger, and quick to forgive.
I get pissed at the drop of a hat and good luck after, haha.
My mom isn’t quick to always speak her mind.
I cannot shut the fuck up. (Sorry for cursing Ma ; )
This list could go on, but you get the point. We are DIFFERENT.
But, we’re NOT.
My mom is a creature driven by LOVE.
As am I.
My mom prioritized her family over herself.
I did the same.
My mom loves my father with all her heart & soul.
I do too.
My mom only really wants happiness for her children.
That’s the calling of my heart as well.
It’s taken me way too many years to realize this. Way. Too. Many. But I’m here now, I get it.
I was loved, fully. I have way too many close friends who were not given that same birthright, which I believe it is, or should be. It makes me feel even more selfish, and stupid, to have gone on not fully appreciating the gift I was born with, and have had ever since. A mother’s love. MY mother’s love. I wish everyone on the planet could say the same.
She and I were emailing back & forth today. Like the Erin I am, I had to take the opportunity to tell her how I felt. I had to tell her I was Sorry. Sorry for NOT giving her the credit she deserved throughout the years. How grateful I am to have had and to still have a genuinely loving mom, in all her humanly imperfections, which I myself probably exceed hers 10 to 1, as a human as well as a mom myself. How thankful I am for the loving way she has given herself to me, my sisters, and my dad.
All we can ever give anyone is our best. Her best was amazing. I only hope I am doing half that job. I mean that.
My mom has a way of encouraging me when I need it most. She’s there for me when I cry. She’s there for me when I fly. Like a dumb kid, I’ve spent way too long not ACKNOWLEDGING that. So Tonite, I am.
Mom emailed me back. I cropped a bit of it to include in this piece.
She wrote “I won’t ever believe that anger and grudges pay off. Sooo much waster time. And sooo many happy times that could be had together. Life is way too short. And there are no take twos in life.”
How do moms KNOW, exactly WHAT you need to hear, & WHEN?
Easy. They grew you rite next to their heart.
I love you Ma. & Thank you.