Ask Laurie – Advice to Single Moms

Ask VeronicaAsk Laurie your questions on single mom dating, coping with depression, coping with addiction, trouble with finances, household chores, cooking, and much more. Get direct answers to your single mom questions. Ask your questions using the form below, and Laurie will reply you as soon as possible. She will give you a direct, non sugar coated answer.

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  1. Katie says

    Hi im a single mom to a wonderful 9 year old girl i have full custody and guardianship of her. I don’t get child support,but the reason i am writing is that i still allow him to have full visitation to her but her father more times then not cancels and i am left with a have broken little girl i am honestly think of cutting all contact with him i for a while so there isn’t this drama in our life. If other mothers have a better solution please help me.

    • CKMatthews says

      Deliberately cutting contact could result in your child resenting you. I would suggest not initiating the contact. In other words don’t make the first move in setting up visitation. If your daughter ask then tell her that her father hasn’t said anything or called about setting up a time.

      Do not ask him why he hasn’t called or why he didn’t show up. This only introduces opportunities for him to make excuses or argue – which creates the drama.

      If you do not initiate the visitations and he doesn’t either then you can help keep your daughters mind occupied by setting up other activities. Eventually she won’t be as bothered by her missing father.

    • says

      Hi Katie,
      Unfortunately, it looks like it’s time to seek legal counsel. Every city has some source of financial aid and assistance for free legal advice. I’ve been down this road before myself, and it’s sets the child up for heartbreak. You can’t change the father, but you can change the course you are on. Katie, when you take the necessary steps to get a visitation schedule in place, then if he neglects to follow through, it’s documented. It’ not an easy ordeal to see your child miss a parent who doesn’t make visitations a priority, but this way, you are choosing to make it your priority.The best of luck Katie, God bless.

  2. lost n need help says

    Hi. Im a 22yr old single mother with a 3yr old boy. Ive tried everythin i can, his father is very hurtful in everyway but u have no where else to live. Im unable to hold down a job because a lack of a sitter. Im trying to do a few things now to get stable as he tells me i need to get out tomorrow while hes wasted and not wanting to blow this up again like last time im tryin to find away to get out n stay out. Its hard to get out as i have nowhere to go and stay. I hope i can find somethin asap because we dont deserve to live like this and should never have had too. Please tell me wat i can do… thank u….

    • says

      Dear Lost,

      I am so sorry you have been struggling. It sounds like the father can’t help you anymore. I don’t know if your 3 year old is in your care or the fathers? If he is in your care, make sure you file for child support. Are there any family members who could help you for a couple months? That might give you enough time to apply for housing and food. Our website here, offers information on resources by state. Also ask your local churches and find out what your city offers for low income families. There are good people out there to help. God Bless.

  3. says

    Hi Mary,

    I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you are a strong mother who simply wants what’s best for her family. Your oldest might be able to help offset your situation too. If he/she can find work, perhaps a schedule can be in place for both of you to alternate with care for the two younger children? I know fast food chains might not be your dream job, but they do offer several shifts, so that might be an option for you and your oldest child? Yes Mary, every state has resources for food, shelter and job opportunities. Contact your social services in the city where you live. They should be able to help with school assistance for you or your oldest and often times if you are a full time student, the school has daycare at a very low cost too. The best of luck Mary. God Bless you and your family.

  4. says

    Hi Laurie,
    I am a single mother of three. I am currently in a healthy, happy relationship with my boyfirend who is a single dad of one. I did not inroduce my children to any other men. I only introduced them to my current boyfriend after a year of dating. Since then, we have become “quite blended.” His ex-wife, however, has been with (and even lived with) three different men in the last year and has had their daughter involved with all of them (one of which it turned out was violent – we learned after the fact). I see behavior in her that I’m growing concerned about – obsession with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, evertime there is a new living arrangement or new boygfirend with her mother, she acts out to seek attention. She is 5 years old. She is absolutely precious. Should I say something to the ex-wife/mother? I don’t want to sound judgemental – it’s out of true concern for her child (who happens to also be influencing my children). Then again, maybe it’s not my place. However, if the roles were reversed and I was causing my children to question their love, safety and security; I would want someone to let me know.

    • says

      Hi Heather,

      I think this is where your boyfriend, the child’s father needs to step up and have this conversation with the child’s mother. You are valid to have these feelings, however, the parents of this child need to communicate better to help resolve the struggles and challenges that their child is going through. Yes, children want to get attached quickly to someone their parent loves, even if it isn’t the right person, the right time or long term. Young children have a need to connect and bond, it is in their nature to want a family around them. I would suggest to your boyfriend that he needs to discuss this important topic with his ex. I don’t know what their legal visitation order is, but perhaps they might need to re-visit their attorney if this doesn’t get resolved. A healthy and harmonious environment is in the best interest of their child. The best of luck to all of you, especially the child.

  5. Mary Barnes says

    Well I’m a single mother of 3.One is 22 and the other 2 are 11 and 12.We have been homeless for almost a year now. I have been to every shelter that I can think of and everyone has turned us down.I thought this was the hospitality state but I guess I was wrong.They look at us like we are beneath them.I cry everyday.I worry about my kids everyday. My babies are my world. And I am actively looking for work everyday. Please god someone help me so that I can get on my feet and have a home for the holidays and a job.I’m not a bad person ,everyone deserves a second chance. If anyone can feel where I’m coming from, show me the way and I can take it from there.

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