Ask Laurie – Advice to Single Moms

Ask VeronicaAsk Laurie your questions on single mom dating, coping with depression, coping with addiction, trouble with finances, household chores, cooking, and much more. Get direct answers to your single mom questions. Ask your questions using the form below, and Laurie will reply you as soon as possible. She will give you a direct, non sugar coated answer.

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Comments

  1. Danyell says

    Hi am a 37 year old single mom of two kids who are 16 and 12 I came to detroit to live with my father to get away from an abusive relationship and now he wants me out beasue he and my daughter do not get along and i will soon be homeless. I really need my own place but have a bad rental history due to my past relationship and i know it will be hard for me too find a place i really need help .

  2. Tired Mommy says

    I am a single working mom and have it better than most. My four year old son’s father sees him everyday and takes him regularly. I have a great job. My life is so good for a single mother. However, I am having issues with myself. First, here is our summer schedule. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I take my son to his grandparents (it will be 1/2 day pre-k when schools starts five days 6am to 1pm). His fathers goes there as well every morning to see him before work (sometimes I am there, sometimes I have already left). After work, I pick him up and go home. Around 7:30 pm his father comes to eat his dinner (me and my son have eaten and bathed already), watch TV, play with our son, and pray and read story then he leaves. Thursday and Friday morning are the same except his Dad takes him home when he gets him from my house at 7:30 pm. (I always pick him up after work). My son and his father stay together all day on Saturday and I pick him up on Sunday at 12:00. The reason his father has him every Saturday is because I had to agree to let his father raise him as a 7th Day Adventist or he wouldn’t agree to have a child with me and they basically worship all Friday night and until sundown on Saturday. I never anticipated we would break up and am not the religion.

    Further, he told me when I was six months pregnant that he was not in love with me. I was floored and hormone filled and felt like I was shot. Still we stayed together in a weird relationship until I confronted him about him seeing someone when our son was 4 years old. He was we broke up but this has been our schedule. I just told him that I do not want him coming to my house anymore and that he can call and talk to his son because I want to move on with my life. It is hard enough for me to deal with hearing about his girlfriend from my son without having to see his face everyday. He can still see his son in the morning at my parents but he can only come to my house to pick up our son or drop him off. No more long visits.

    I am trying to deal with my emotions and am having a problem. I don’t know if I have depression or anxiety or am doing the wrong thing. I go days on end without sleeping and want to find peace. Please advise what you think. Thank you!

    • says

      Dear Tired Mommy,

      It’s okay to re-think your situation. Obviously, you and your ex have a good thing when it comes to supporting the parenting with your son, however, it leaves you no room to grow and “move on.” Personally, I don’t think you need to be confronted with your ex as often as you are. Normally couples can’t agree on the visitation or time frames, but that doesn’t seem to be your problem. I commend you for lasting this long in this scenario. Your ex has found someone, and whether you want to or not, eventually that nice opportunity will come your way too. Most men would find it uncomfortable to have your ex eating breakfast and dinner with you, your son and your parents. It sounds a bit co-dependent on both sides. I would encourage your ex to plan a set schedule that works for both of you, and he will have to see his son at his home and plan their outings, away from you. My guess is, that you haven’t said “no,” and perhaps why you feel so down about yourself is because there isn’t a return of affection or desire to mend the relationship between dad and mom. He has found someone, and that’s the bottom line. It’s okay to feel a little down in the dumps and be sad, but don’t support the visit arrangements if it causes you angst. It has nothing to do with his own relationship to his son. You have shown kindness and have been very generous with your ex to help him and everyone, fix their life. Now instead of building someone else up, it’s time to work on mom, and find your new life too. Get your nails done, go to the show with a girlfriend, grab someone and go out to dinner, read a good book, take a bath, light a candle, draw a bath for yourself, pour a glass of wine, and with great self respect, tell yourself, “I am enough.” Sending hugs your way, and God Bless.

  3. Anya says

    Hi Laurie, I am a single mother of a 14 year old and I am about 6 months pregnant. I work full time and I have an education (I graduated finally last year after 13 years of part time studying). I have horrible financial stress right now that is starting to get unbearable. I don’t qualify for any services that are typically offered, for example I gross $400 a year to much for WIC, or low cost school lunches. And I gross significantly too much for housing assistance, food assistance, Medicaid, CHP or TANF. Are there any resources for people in my situation? I would take a second job but that’s nearly impossible with a baby on the way, I am already exhausted from being pregnant, working 40 hours a week and shuffling a teenager around.

    • says

      Dear Anya,

      First off, regarding your educational success: Congratulations! I know all to well how hard it is to slowly, creep along when it comes to taking college courses, while raising a family, and working full time, but you did it, and that’s awesome! When I was running my licensed home daycare, I still couldn’t afford medical insurance for me and my children. It was long before Obama care was offered. I called our local welfare office and asked how I could enroll my children in health care. I was shocked to learn that if I chose not to work, or live where I was renting, (a home large enough for five kids and my daycare business), that if I “scaled down” because I earned a little too much to be accepted into the state welfare program, she told me if I quit my job I could reap the rewards of monthly cash aid, food stamps, and free health care for all. I questioned the woman on the phone, “Well how is that going to set an example to my children that if we are able bodied to work, then we must work to get ahead in life? I told her that’s not sounding very promising and certainly does not encourage anyone to strive for better.” So, I struggled and plodded along. I was determined after seeing their father lose job after job, that my kids would know how to work hard and do their best, and that it would pay off in the long run. Life isn’t always fair, but how we live it, what we chose to do with ourselves, not only shapes our future but the future of your children. Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job, already showing your teenager that education is important, it opens doors to more opportunities along the way. You are teaching valuable lessons and standing tall as a parent. It isn’t easy when we get tired and drained with all of the responsibilities on our shoulders. Take a deep breath, tackle one thing at a time. Don’t get more overwhelmed, the bills will be there, make arrangements with billing, and perhaps if you keep looking for another door to open, I believe it will, to an even better life ahead. God Bless you and your children. Sending a hug to you for a healthy delivery and happy baby!

  4. says

    Dear Pulgarcyta,

    You are a friends, good friend. I think it’s very nice of you to come up with ideas for extra money for your single mom friend. Having an extra set of eyes on possible job finds is always a good thing…as long as you are not the only person really looking for those better opportunities. Your friend needs to be earnestly seeking the best situation for herself and her child too. Yes, you can earn decent money as a single mother, many do. What job, and what situation will depend on your friend; her work skills, abilities, location, hours, availability and so forth. I got licensed in my state as a home daycare provider and raised 5 children on that income. I was a renter, and fortunately was able to stay put for 16 years in the same place. That helps provide stability for your child and yourself. It sounds like your friend needs to stay planted, and not give up or give in too easily in searching for what’s best for her and the child. Since you are such a good friend, focus on encouraging her to search for a better job that can grow with her in the future, or encourage her to go back to school where she can use child care credits for her child….but try to stay away from enabling her too much, it’s easy to look to others for solutions, when very often we already know what we must do. Good Luck and God Bless.

  5. Pulgarcyta says

    Hello! I am writing because I have a friend that is a single mom, she has been struggling for quite sometime with a part time job, that has been shown to be a dead end for a while, has moved like three times already, and finally she called me today and said that she doesn’t have any money to pay rent next month because her part time job is not really working out… I make jewelry and told her she should take my pieces and sell them and I’ll give her a percentage. (I had offer this months ago, but she did not want to do it) But I feel she could be just applying for other jobs instead of trying to “make something work at the last minute” kind of thing? I love her and her son too, but sometimes I feel she is not doing all she needs to do to get things in line. Of course I am not in her shoes, so what do I know, right? I just would love to be able to help her with ideas and support her with positive messages that it is actually possible to make money and be a single mom. Is it??? Any ideas you’d like to share would be lovely! Thank you so much in advance for your suggestions!

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